Sunday, September 12, 2010

Can We Recover?

shae adele at http :// wrote: "You're the only person I know (even virtually) who has struggled with an ED and recovered (for the most part. I know we all slip up.) But thank you, I needed this. The only woman I know for real (a former teacher who is near and dear to me. We go out for coffee sometimes to talk about ED related things) told me that there is no recovery from an eating disorder. Never. She's 35 and is still very much a disordered eater, she just doesn't purge because she lost her colon. Maybe that's why I've been so lethargic lately. I thought she was recovered for so long, and to hear that was crushing."

i don't believe that's true. four years ago, i stopped throwing up after 30 years of bulimia. since then, i've binged maybe four or five times and taken a couple of laxatives maybe three times. i consider that pretty good. i don't know what the future holds, but i seem to be so much more at peace with food and my weight. i don't think to binge -- which is bliss.

Do you think we can recover? I never thought it was possible before. i questioned people who said they were better-- i just didn't believe it. when i started this blog, i still insisted i WAS my eating disorder. now, i don't believe that at all. i didn't realize how much my thinking had shifted until i was on Shae Adele's blog the other day, and she had written, "i am my eating disorder".

Speaking of Shae Adele, she's 17 and been with ED for six years. If you have a chance, stop by her blog. I think she could use really use some support.

On another note, I start my new job tomorrow. i have SUCH anxiety. i'm surprised how nervous i am. i'm not sure how to handle it. i need to have more belief in myself. i can do this. right?


  1. Can you have an eating disorder without the binging/purging/restricting/laxatives? How about if you "just" obsess about every morsel you put in your mouth, and every calorie you try to burn off. Would that still be considered recovered? It is such a complex disorder.

    Good luck tomorrow! But you don't need luck, you are totally competent and you are going to be great at this job. You can definitely do it!

  2. I so often wonder about total recovery. I'm weight restored, but my mind is still so filled with ED thoughts. I've had my Ed for over 20 yrs. It feels hopeless at times.
    I'll be thinking of you tomorrow and sending good thoughts your way. You will be great!
    Much love and {{{HUGS}}}

  3. Good luck tomorrow! You will do great, remember that they want you as much as you want to be there!

    And yes recovery is possible. It damn well better be or I want a refund!

  4. YOU are a CHAMP!! if anyone should know it that should be you!! ... your life will be what you want it to be and i believe you know what that is ... YOU CAN DO IT!!!!! ... hugs ... -kozee

  5. David, LOL!

    For a long time, I never thought I could recover. I just thought this was as good as it gets--purging some, always thinking about my body, still starving, running, etc. But now, I do think full recovery is possible. I know I'm not there yet, but I think I can eventually get there. What changed that thinking I'm not sure, but I know I don't want to go down that road again. Will there always be susceptibility, yes, so that's why it is important to stay vigilant.

    Good luck tomorrow! I think you'll do great!

  6. YES! YES! YES! We can recover! I totally believe it! Maybe it takes something different for each person. I'm still trying to figure out what it was for me, but I know that God was a huge part of it. I don't consider myself recovered, period. Just "in recovery". My body image still sucks. I have passive thoughts of dieting. I hate to say it, thought, but some of that is just normal in our society. What I mean is, alot of women without eating disorders drink Diet Coke and hate their thighs. My personal opinion is that complete body acceptance isnt a requisite to consider yourself recovered (although it would be nice). If it consumes your every waking thought then it is a problem, but if you have these thoughts once in awhile but you still get dressed and go about your life and manage to love yourself, then I would say you are doing pretty well.

    Thank you for your support, IHTW. It's nice to know that I can dissappear for a few weeks and people will still be there for me :)

  7. I seem to revisit this topic on my blog pretty frequently. I think recovery is up to the recoverer. There are so many different definitions for it. I still have little food things and anxieties, but I eat what I need, I'm physically healthy, and my life is full and mostly happy. I know I'm prone to depression/anxiety and I may tend to restrict a bit in times of stress and change, but I know how to take care of myself. I think it's totally possible to recover and I have a feeling I'll be comfortable calling myself "fully recovered" within the next year or two :)

  8. You are so lovely for posting this! Thank you for being absolutely wonderful- and listening to me. :) It gives me so much hope.

    I hope working went well today- sending positive thoughts your way!
    Shae Adele

  9. Thinking of you - hope your first day went well!