Monday, May 14, 2012

Doing Fine

i'm surprised to find that i am fine. things in my life are definitely not perfect, but somehow or other, i'm doing okay AND i know that things will be okay. that's not my style. usually, i worry and obsess and 100% assume the worst, but these days, i figure everything will work out. last week, i wrote about the issues i'm having with this guy i'm seeing. yes, it's NOT a healthy relationship, and that's something i must address and take care of, and that's what i'm doing. my car keeps breaking down, and i'm really having trouble paying for all the repairs. but somehow or other, i know i'll get by. my mechanic's letting me do a payment plan, a friend offered to lend me money if needed and worst case scenario, i'll get an advance on salary at work. money issues are really pressing right now, all around. i'm kind of stuck in my job, because i can't afford to do what i really want and that's frustrating. yet, that's life; it's reality. always in the past, i would have used these tough issues as reasons to binge or starve or drink or drug. now, i'm learning how to face what life throws me and manage. it feels good.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Wrong Man

I need support. Sometimes, we tuck away our secrets, because we don't want to hear the response. Yes, I have secrets... One i never talk about anymore is how the man i date treats me. In the beginning, i shared his behavior with friends and my sister, yet when they all told me to run, to move, to fly -- i stopped talking. Now i live in silence. He berates me, criticizes the way i walk, talk, think -- always sort of making fun. And when he's angry, anything goes -- verbally. I've never been spoken to like this. I begin, finally, to see how it creeps into the rest of my life. my self-esteem feels slim these days. I hear myself berating myself. When pondering why i stay, there are reasons. Perhaps i begin to want to move, to fly