it is going be very difficult for me to give up wine. i love it. i spend so much money on it. i'm going to put $15 a day, every day, in a jar. that's what i spend on wine every day. unless i'm treating myself to some ridiculously priced scrumptious cabernet.
wine is everywhere. my girlfriends and i meet at bars and have a great time. she usually flirts with the bartender, and we end up getting free drinks. i love being out. the boyfriend hates it, and i've mentioned i've used vino to dull the issues there.
i don't want to go out to eat if i can't have wine. i know i'll need to stay home for a while. but i love to drink at home too. still, it's a little easier than restaurants.
this sounds bizarre, but i'm serious -- who wants to eat out and not have a drink? diet coke and lamb chops?
the holidays are coming. i planned to be clean before christmas. the early days of sobriety are usually easy and filled with pride. i was going to put rehab off until after the holidays, but there is no time for the present.
being around drinkers is hard. when i was sober for three months, it got harder as time passed.
one of the hardest -- i visited my sister and we had lovely meals, night after night. she and her husband weren't working that week. they both drank with dinner each night. my sister sips one, slowly. so slowly. there's still a bit left when dinner's over. her husband usually had two. i was dying. the thing is. i don't sip one over a three hour period. and then switch to decaf.
can i ask people not to drink around me for a while? that makes me uncomfortable too.
my sister-in-law is quite a drinker. but bless her wooden leg, she can drink 5 beers and go write a smashing proposal for her job. whenever we go out, she drinks and drinks and drinks. we'll be traveling a lot over the next few months. it's going to be hard. but not impossible.
i want this sobriety. i choose it. it's for me. i'm not a victim.
i thought this post was going to be a love letter to big cabernets, but it wasn't. it's a note to self about why i'm doing this. i want to be proud of myself. i want to be under no influence if stopped by a cop. i want a clear head to make healthy choices.
i'm doing this for me, but i'm also doing it for my niece. i love her like my own. we text all the time. we email. we phone (she lives in pittsburgh.) if i visit her, she and i get in trouble for staying up and giggling all night. i want to be clean and sober for her. i don't want her to see her beloved Auntie Mel drunk at xmas dinner.
i've got some good reasons. and there are more