Thursday, April 21, 2011

Some Help

i just made my first entry in my first ever food journal. it's kind of a breakthrough. Never, ever before, in all my 47 years, have i shared my food intake with another human being. what i ate was between me and my eating disorder and that was that -- a sacred pact. I refused to share with any therapist or nutritionist. None of their nosey business, i told myself

Until now.

I've been displeased with what i've been eating and how my body feels lately. I've been leaning on diet sodas, sucking candies and late night snacking. It just doesn't feel healthy.

but i hadn't known what to do or where to turn. then it hit me -- a lovely woman in AA is a nutritionist who had nearly my exact eating/food/body issues. She's been doing great for years (she, Mary, also has something like 20 years of sobriety.)

Mary always looks great and healthy and she's got a very happy and full life. And I like her.

Yesterday, I got her number from a friend and called her. She was WONDERFUL and truly "got" where i'm at and knew exactly what i was talking about. another plus, we're about the same age with one major difference -- she feels great and has lots of energy. Me, not so much.

Mary offered to work with me in any way she can. She told me to write down everything i eat for three days and we'll look at that and go from there.

I am beyond excited and relieved. Mary really has everything in perspective -- she eats for nourishment, and she eats healthfully BUT she used to be just like me.

I'm also thrilled that she has a really solid Twelve Step background. On the AA front, she's a true leader who's founded meetings and sponsored many, many women.

That's why i just made my first entry in my food journal and i have no problem with it. My new, free life awaits!


  1. Stay strong!
    You are such an inspiration!

    Take care & God bless

  2. It sounds like you have found just the right person to get some help from. It is so amazing to see you each out and accept help. It is also great that you are open to trying things that previously you have been uncomfortable with. Way to go! Sending {{{HUGS}}}

  3. Good luck! Just be careful that this is a step toward eating healthy (something I am trying to work on) and doesn't become restriction - there is a fine line there, and I want you to be safe and healthy.

    You have come so far - I am so proud of you!!!



  4. Daelyn R: Thank you for writing. And thank you for your support. It's amazing to have people rooting for me. I don't know where you are in your process, but i'm rooting for you too!

    Angela; Mary does feel like a really good person for me. i know a couple of other women who have also managed their eating issues and also go to AA and OA, but neither has Mary's warmth. It is new for me to turn to someone about my eating -- i've had no problem with drugs or alcohol, but this is different. we'll see!

    Just me: Thank you for your support. So nice to know you're in my corner. And for you with all you're doing!!!

    Angela; i definetely don't think this will be restrictive. Mary told me she bets i'm not even eating enough. She's a great, healthy weight but by no means particularly thin -- she's very strong and radiant.

    This isn't about weight loss for me. i've just been unhappy with my eating style lately. and my bad habits have made me uncomfortable and a little nervous.

    We'll see. i have no interest whatsoever in a restrictive life. Thank you so much for your concern!!!!! Hope you are well.

  5. What a fantastic inspiration you are! And kudos for you for taking a look at how you feel, assessing your own limitations in how to deal with your current challenge, pooling your own resources (in this case a fantastic friend with just the right qualifications), and moving forward with strong, sure, excited steps. And sharing it here makes your intention and declaration very public and very real. What a super star you are!

  6. Good luck with the food journal!! It's great that you've found someone who knows where you're coming from and has, in some ways, traveled down that path already and can offer advice :)

  7. Danielle Mari: You are so lovely. Thank you.

    i am excited. i've been diligently writing down everything i eatand drink -- quite interesting (uh, kind of surprising.) And i'm reading the book Mary recommended, which is cool because i rarely follow directions!

    thank you so much for your support and kind words.

    kris: thank you. yes, i am thrilled to have connected with Mary. i really haven't ever let anyone into my ED world. i have a sense that the support will motivate me AND keep me honest. looking forward to the process and a little nervous -- this is all new, indeed.

  8. I'm glad you met Mary. God puts people in our lives at just the right time, right? Your post reminded me of a woman's AA group I use to go to years ago when I lived in a different area. It was one of the largest AA groups I'd ever been to - all women- and very united! I went away with a group of them for a weekend to a cabin once and had the best time. I miss that group!

  9. Glad you found someone to help you. It sounds like Mary may be a good resource of information and support.

    I hope it works out for you. I've never been one to really like food journals for myself. For me, if I keep food journals, it is a big red flag of restriction, so I just do not anymore.

  10. Pen; i did pray a lot about what i could do to get more peace around food and eating, and the idea of mary popped up. prayer sure does work.

    thank you for reminding about the joys and benefits of community. i've been busy lately and going to fewer meetings. i'm going to step that up this week.

    Tiptoe; i know that in the past i'd write down every single thing i ate, with calories assigned to every bite, including sugarless gum. the goal, of course, was to see how little i could eat

    this feels different. i'm looking to see where i'm unhealthy and disordered in my eating -- ie, not eating much all day and consuming most of my calories at 11 pm. some days, i see i don't get ANY protein. i'm really looking to eat better and feel better.