decaf is the new Merlot. harrumph.
hey everyone, your messages and support are invaluable. thank you, thank you, thank you.
i woke up this morning, took my big dose of antabuse and went for a long walk. that felt great. my energy feels better today -- my mood is better, and I'm just so relieved i made it through the first night without alcohol.
it's these nights that are so difficult. it's 8:30 pm, i'm on the computer, i had a weird interview today and i'm worried about -- well, everything. bills come in and cash flies out. OUCH.
I would love some wine, but alcohol will not own me. and i'd have to face my therapist, who is so frustrated with me. and i'd have to face that i need inpatient treatment if i can't go JUST TWO days without alcohol.
it really hurts how frustrated my therapist is with me, but she has reason. i kept taking pills and drinking and really hurting and alienating people around me. still, this is hard. tough love can be -- tough. yet, it is her new approach that has kicked my newly enhanced behind.
exhale. i have to remember to breathe.
tonight's plan; make a healthy dinner, take a bath, read a new magazine (bliss) and read blogs.
wish me luck.
There's a beautiful song called "Keep Breathing" by Ingrid Michaelson that I listen to when I'm struggling with something. It's really motivating to me - a reminder that all we can do is keep breathing. I hope it'll be helpful to you, too (:
ReplyDeleteGood luck with staying sober! You can do it!
KUDOS FOR MAKING IT TO DAY TWO!!! it might not seem huge, but it's huge! the first day is always the hardest...and it doesn't get much easier but it will. stick with it!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that you and your therapist are struggling but I'm so glad you're trying so hard on your own as well. don't ever lose that motivation!!
stay strong! and push for day 3
-Lisa
You can do it. 2 days is great. I know how hard it is. My therapist threatened to stop seeing me if I didn't stop drinking. That hurt me so bad, but she finally changed her mind. She still gets so frustrated with me though. I can't seem to totally stop, or at least I can't stop drinking socially. I never do it alone or sneak it anymore. I did an IOP program last winter, and that helped. Good luck with day 3!
ReplyDeleteYES!!! TWO DAYS! You rock! You can do three! Remeber I joinded late so for me 3 is like the new 2.
ReplyDeleteI wish you a lot of luck, but you don't need luck because you have strength! You are doing great. And breathing is good - keep it up.
ReplyDeleteYou can do this!!! I believe in you and your strength. Keep breathing and doing positive things for yourself.
ReplyDeleteYou're always in my prayers. {{{Hugs}}}
Angela
Shae Adele: it's nice to know that others believe in me. i can be very tricky, even to myself! thanks for the suggestions. Breathing.ahhh, yes.
ReplyDeleteInside the Mind... this IS really hard. this day three, here, is particularly tough. but as i keep saying, alcohol will not own me. i own me.
Angela; thanks for telling me about your own experience with your therapist. i feel like an awful loser because i'm disappointing mine. i miss wine, but i can't seem to limit myself to social settings. so, sobriety is a good start. for this one day == at a time.
Eating Alone: you're funny. thank you for making me laugh -- that hasn't come as readily lately. so tomorrow,when i take my antabuse in the morning, i'll think, "day four is the new 3". still, why does it feel like four months
Harriet; you think i'm strong? me? i think of myself as the weakest of them all. lazy and stupid. thank you for saying that -- i haven't heard strong in a long time. thank you.
Angela E.: you said i was strong too -- wow!! that means so much. i guess i'm some kind of survivor. and thank you for putting me in your prayers -- THAT means so much. thank you. take care of YOU too!!!!
We've been reading each others' blogs for a long time and you've been a greater support to me than you can know. I know you can do this. I WANT you to do this.
ReplyDeleteMuch love and positive thoughts from northern VA.
oh lisa; i think i'm going to cry, and it's not just the hormones! all this wonderful support really moves me and touches me. i'm so glad i got back to blogging.
ReplyDeletethank you for believing in me -- it gives me strength. i have to remember to remember all this care.