Saturday, August 21, 2010

Eating in Sobriety

is this going to feel better? am i ever going to stop eating? do i have to always anesthetize myself in some way?

when i took pills and drank, i didn't care so much about eating. i had no compulsivity around food, which was such a relief after a full life-time of obsession.

now that i'm not drinking, all i think about is sticking something edible into my mouth. for the first time in years, i'm forcing myself to STOP EATING. i'm watching some stranger go back to the refrigerator over and over and over. i didn't like her the rest of my life; i certainly don't want her here now.

sorry to be throwing myself a pity party over here. maybe i need a gratitude list right about now:

1. i have a place to stay that's comfortable and not too expensive
2. i have food, which many are not privileged enough to have
3. the weather is nice. i could be miserable and shoveling feet of snow off my car
4. i've gotten some job interviews, which is encouraging
5. i have some very good friends who don't live near me, but are always "there".
6. i have two good books. that's great!

it's nice to remember what i have versus what i can't have!


  1. it will get better

    you can do this :)

    i'm so glad your'e staying sober.

    there is NO problem in a pity party every once in a while. in fact I'll join you :)

    take care! I'm glad you're still holding sober. the food issues will even out eventually!

    hold on tight! stay strong! I'm here for you if you need support!

  2. Hey pitty parties are fine once in a while and we all need them sometimes. Right now your just adjusting to life with out the drink. So your compensating with the food. Transitions are tough. Just take it one day at a time. And hope shneider doesn't come in to fix the faucet.

  3. Yay for gratitude lists! As others have said, it will get better. Be patient and kind with yourself :)

  4. Try not to be so hard on yourself. You are changing your lifestyle, and although it is in a positive way, it is still a big change, and it is going to be hard. I'm so proud of you for staying sober!

  5. Inside the Mind of... thank you for saying the food issues will even out eventually. it's hard to believe that just a month ago, eating was okay. now, it is the forefront. but i do feel a little better today, finally. hope it continues. like you, i'm trying to appreciate the good moments.

    eating alone; yes, if i saw schneider, it would probably mean i was back on the sauce. not a good sign! yes, this whole life transition is tough, but it does feel just a little better today. and that's a really good thing! i'll take it.

    kim; you are my inspiration for gratitude lists. and that one made me feel better. i am an extremely impatient person. it is beyond difficult for me to understand that things can get better. but i'm learning - what choice do i have? as my friend used to say, "it's all good".

    angela; it's extra, extra-ordinarily hard not to be tough on myself. i'm kind of tired of all this change, BUT it is decidely better than my old lifestyle. iop starts this week, i think i have an "eh" job, but it would be money and i'm getting motivated to start looking for an apartment, which i really, really, really need to do. i'm a little less depressed and think a little more positively about the future. and, as i said before, "that's all good". thanks!