Wednesday, February 11, 2009

owning my weight

last tuesday, i weighed 124. monday, 132.

how does that happen? i think i need to accept that my body is the boss, not my ED. it's never going to give up and say, "hey, let's be naturally skinny".

what i've done differently. i have not weighed myself since monday. i have not cut down what i'm eating (!). i am not skipping meals.

monday, i decided to experiment. what if i decide i want to weigh around 135? what would that be like? could i actually accept that weight?

i really do look fine. my jeans are on vacation. i've been wearing stretchies, which look cute with (imitation) ugg-like boots and sweaters or blazers.

after work on monday, i went to see He's Just Not That Into You. voluptuous scarlett johanssen was gorgeous. breathtaking. in comparison, super-duper skinny jennifer connelly seemed cold and...angular.

i'm glad to know there's a scarlett jo., because i'd have to subsist on ice to look like jennifer c.

so, i'm not drinking or taking pills (yay me!), and i am still eating a smallish slice of blueberry pie with rocky road ice cream after a mid-size dinner. yay me.


  1. I think it's so important to have healthy role models. And that's a great insight - letting your BODY be the boss, not your ED!

  2. In my opinion, ScarJo is one of the most beautiful actresses out there. I find that it's always easier when I get to a higher weight to be able to accept it than when I'm at a lower weight worrying about the weight I'm going to be. If that made sense at all.

  3. How was the movie? I want to see it! Have you considered just not weighing yourself? It's given me LOTS of freedom (and worry, but more freedom). As they say, just a number :) Congrats on the dessert. That sounds so good...

  4. You so totally ROCK!!!

    I love coming here and reading posts like this one. You are awesome, and doing amazingly well.

    You can achieve anything, move mountains. You are strong like that. You are AWESOME!! Yes, I know I said that twice, it bears repeating.

  5. Thanks, women. i'm coping with a bit of Montezuma's Revenge, so i'm not feeling my best. Kim, I promise a full review when my brain and stomach (!) are functioning.

  6. If you sense what your body needs and put the "fragile mind" out of the picture it does kind of fall into a reasonably peaceful place. Well, most of the time. My mind has to be a separate entity to my body otherwise there is trouble.

  7. love ur blog. hope you don't mind my regular visits :] do pop by mine if you want. we'll support each other :D

  8. GBML: Thank you so much. things continue to go well. i just wish i could really stay away from the scale. in time.

    Lolly: thank you for coming by! i did visit your blog. i'm interested that you read mine. i didn't leave a comment on yours, because i worry that you're not eating enough, but don't think you'd like to hear it.

    i hope you will respond to that thought. and would you mind if i left my thoughts on your blog?