Wednesday, August 15, 2012

The New Appetite Suppressant

Just read an article called "The Skinny on the new Diet Pill" about Belviq, a new appetite-control drug.

The odd thing is that when i was eating compulsively (and would easily have been considered obese), i NEVER ate out of appetite or physical hunger.

Food meant comfort, (temporary comfort, which is why i kept eating -- i only felt soothed whilei eating. The minute i stopped swallowing, all the emotional pain came back.) That's what i did my whole life -- i ate, hoping to soothe.

And i ate so often, I never actually had any hunger to control

I did have one happy year between compulsive eating and constant starving. It was junior year of high school. My mom was living in Manhattan with her boyfriend and i was in NJ living with my dearest, best friend Frank, who was two years older and had taken a year off between high school and college.

i loved Frank more than anyone and knew he loved me unconditionally. We had a great year. I played hooky much of the time and he and i hung out in the park, he taught me to drive, we went to movies every day and we ate together.

Yet, i was so content, I ate naturally. without thinking or trying, i began to lose weigh, without thinking or trying t. i also began, for the first time, to make friends in school and to enjoy myself and to think of things other than food

For once, I felt safe and secure and lived in a happy home.

Senior year, Frank left for college and my mom came back to Jersey with the really awful boyfriend.

Out went peace, ease, tender loving care and using food for tasty fuel. Back came food as loving mother, caring lover, best friend and everything else in between.

Except for junior year, i NEVER ate from appetite or hunger. i ate for comfort.

Does the new appetite-suppressing pill come with a loving family, dear friends and a therapist?


  1. the is a book called made to crave you should read it. I so am with you an the eating for comfort, although i may not be physically over weight i have to really control this are, as its so easy to let take you over! great honest post! :)

    check me out

  2. I ate for comfort when i was really small. I think it stopped about 11 or 12. My big southern family loves to 'feed' people. It is a sign of love. We even keep the animals 'fat and happy.' I think I felt smothered by that love. I think that by rejecting food for so long, I was rejecting love that I didn't feel I deserved and I was rejecting a lot of over protection and worry that came from my parents. They had both dealt with tragedies early on in their lives that made then lean toward being overprotective of us. I don't know. I still hate my appetite. If I could have my way, I would get rid of it and get rid of eating. I understand that is not healthy but food is so complicated and weighted (no pun intended) with emotional issues. It is almost like I am sick of it...sick of trying to sort it out. Lately I am trying to eat healthy but mostly bc I want it to make me feel better physically, not bc i want to be thin or whatever. I think that by suppressing appetite, or even wanting to, we are really trying to suppress something else..something very natural and necessary. I don't think I would ever try this drug, but to be honest, not having an appetite sounds like a good way to live to me...or maybe that is the disordered side of me talking. I don't know...

  3. it's pretty obvious you have borderline personality disorder. Classic symptoms of eating disorders, addictions, overspending, and an invalidating relationship with your mother who valued your appearance far more than who you were. You should look into DBT therapy. I've been there, I know what it looks like. I had the same kind of mom.