Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Excuses - Food and Weight

Dealing with a few stressors - I dropped a couple of pounds without trying.

Throughout the day today, as i start to worry about real issues, i think -- "well at least i dropped 2.5 pounds."

that's really old brain patterning -- thinking about my weight and not dealing with my problems.

Two and a half fewer pounds is NOT going to make my financial worries go away! is NOT going to make my boyfriend less angry. is not going to solve career frustrations.

Yet, some still dysfunctional voice in my head says, "but at least you lost the 2.5. without even trying"

I spent nearly all of my life avoiding facing and dealing with real life. i lived in my own fantasy world made up of a scale, laxatives and steamed vegetables. And so i never built a career, a meaningful relationship and turned to drugs and alcohol, spent myself into bankruptcy.... i'd do anything to avoid reality and, thus, had nothing to show for all my years of living.

What I do have is today to begin to act responsibly and make the necessary changes i need to support myself and develop honest relationships and find meaningful work.

What I can do today is start this process - no matter what i weigh.


  1. YES!I think a lot of people avoid reality, just in different ways - ways that are less obviously destructive but still a deterrent from actually LIVING. You are rare and wise for coming to the decision to change and to renew that decision when you feel pulled down. And thank you for the reminder because I need it too <3

  2. You know I love you and have tremendous respect for your strength of character. You also know that I'm the kind of person who would tell the pope how to say Mass. So here goes...

    You have your shit together, sister. We should all be able to look in the mirror and report what we see with such clarity and objectivity. You really do have yourself figured out, and bravo for that!

    Have you ever heard old Louise Hay say that whatever you focus on grows? Sometimes I think she's full of metaphysical crap, but there's some truth to that. I'm just wondering what would happen if you blogged about events in your life and feelings you have that aren't relating to weight and eating. What if you said, "For one week (or month or whatever), I'm going to write about what's going on in my life, deliberately without going 'there'"?

    I understand that weight issues have consumed your life, but they're not your entire being. Could you share other aspects of your life with us without framing them in the context of your weight issues?

    Forgive me, I know it's easier said than done. And it's not like I'm sick of hearing what you write--not all all. I'm just wondering what would happen if you forced yourself, through blogging, to focus on other things.

    Of course, I should be the last person to give advice! XOXO

  3. Hi Shawna; thanks for the support. sometimes push comes to shove when....push comes to shove. i don't have more money to spend, i really pissed the boyfriend off (who knows what will happen there?), i'm a little lonely.....

    time, indeed, to make some changes and take some action.

    hope YOU are well!

  4. Hi Melissa,

    thank you for this post. I can very much relate - not only with avoiding reality by switching my focus on weight and food, but avoiding the obvious issues that I probably need to deal with by any possible means (for example by reading blogs instead of working at work or watching Netflix all the time in the evening instead of doing at least some of the things on my longer and longer TODO list). Anyway, I'm working on it. And also working on making it clear with myself what are my priorities and what I want in life.

    Anyway, hope you are well. I've been really inconsistent with reading blogs lately or writing my own posts, but I always enjoy reading what you have to say. xxx

  5. Linda; thank you so for your comments.

    i really don't revolve my world (or other writing) around food, but sometimes it pops up.

    this is my food/body/weight blog, so this is where i do this stuff.

    also, i'm always interested in where other women are with their bodies and weight and body image. the whole issue ruled my own life for so long, and i think many women base a lot of their self-esteem on how their bodies look.

    at work and out and about, i so often hear, "i ate too much - i'm disgusting, look how fat i am, i shouldn't eat that, i was 'bad'" -- i'm very interested in the pathology

  6. Zuzka; i've been inconsistent with blogs too. thank you for commenting here.

    i too can divert attention from issues by doing other stuff -- TV, reading, etc. all these things are fine, but not when i need to be dealing!

    thanks so much for writing

  7. Meliss, I totally understand that your blog is an outlet for that. And even though I don't have an "offical" weight problem, I hear myself saying, "I'm disgusting--look at this fat!" far too often. I've learned a lot from your postings.

  8. Linda; i often think of you as an idea of what a "normal" woman feels. you occasionally/randomly refer to your weight. at times, it might bother you for a moment or two, but it doesn't shape your life or how you feel about yourself as a woman.