Saturday, March 7, 2009


i have terrible cramps today. i've slept most of the day, trying to snooze away the pain.

there are one hundred million things i "should" do today. the apartment's a mess, the laundry's had a growth spurt, my taxes aren't done, i have job stuff to finish -- but i HURT.

i wish i felt well enough to do all the chores on my list, but i don't even have the energy to take a bath.

why is it that when we feel like hell, we still think we should be scaling mountains and single-handedly ending world wars?

why is it so hard to tell myself i'm allowed to lie in bed when i'm actually in too much pain to get out of it?

it's sort of like expecting ourselves to be super-skinny when that's...well -- impossible.

it's sort of like we're not allowed to be unhappy or sit with misery or discomfort, so we have to do something -- like eat or booze or take a pill, so we'll be as cool as the world wants us to be.

here's to be being allowed to be sick, being allowed to eat, being allowed to be feel crummy emotionally, being allowed to be flawed, being allowed to be human.

i'm going back to bed. i'm allowed


  1. Oh, my. You must be in the same place my head gets far too often. When I feel blah I always want to do something super human. Like go for a run or start a huge outdoor project. As though feeling unwell is something I need to be denying myself. Or I am weak for giving in to it.

    Hope you stayed in bed and slept the cramps away.

  2. Oh, I like this so much. I always feel "guilty" when I've taken a day for myself to write, or to just be ill in bed, or whatever. Why??? It's our life. It isn't as though we lay around in bed every weekend! Why do women feel so guilty about taking good care of themselves?

    Stay in bed, Melissa. take care of yourself. Relax, and feel better when you wake up.

    Take care,

    Much love,

  3. And cuddle up with a heating pad. Or a willing cat, if available!

  4. i did stay in bed and read magazines and watched incredibly mindless Saturday television. the most activity i did was shifting in bed.

    bliss (other than the cramps.) there is something perfect about doing nothing. for a whole day