Thursday, June 30, 2011

The Boyfriend's Weight

My guy friend is losing weight. He's fairly thin to begin with, but he always had this sweet little belly. Now, he's losing weight.

Mike is a contractor and this is his crazy, busy time of year. He's doing very physical labor, very long hours, seven days a week, in the heat. When he gets home, he's often too tired to eat much of anything. Of course he's losing weight!

Last night, i saw him, and his clothes were just hangin'. His face looks really lean and that dear little belly -- not to be found.

where does this leave me?

Mike's always been just a little bigger for his size than i am for mine.
But now, i've gained 10 pounds since he met me, and his weight is dropping. i don't like this. Although somewhere in my sane mind, i know it's not important, i still don't like it!

Mike seems exactly as attracted to me as he's always been.
frankly, he's too tired right now to notice too much of anything. i doubt he's actually noticed he's lost weight -- he just pulls his belt tighter.

i'm sure i'm annoying him -- i keep asking him if he's lost weight (duh, just look at his droopy jeans and sallow face.) he never knows -- he's really too busy to think about it, and i know he DOESN'T think about it or care.

I'm the problem here.

I wonder how you all feel about your significant's weight. Do you have feelings about your sibling's weights? friends? parents?

I know this is wrong, but i want the belly back.


  1. I think your feelings are completely understandable - I push myself to have the lowest weight in my family, however as my only brother is three years older than me it's not such a big deal. But with friends I always desperately wanted to be smaller, even if I wasn't built that way and they were. And I was relieved to find out my guy-friend Noah weighed more than I did. I don't know why it should matter, I guess it's related to accepting everyone is built with a slightly different structure. At least Mike doesn't care about his own weight and I'm sure when things slow down he'll be able to gain back a healthy amount of weight.

  2. i think i'm hypersensitive to this for some of the same reasons you are and because i love these folks you mentioned and would probably be bent to worry if i saw a quick change. it's part of me with or without eating disorders, i think, i don't really remember the before much, but i think the caring has always been there. i have been hypersensitive to a friend who has been talking some about her weight and i don't see that there is a problem except that she may be comparing to me and that has been tough. i've been ignoring it because she is several years older and i think she's fine. my brother, you asked about siblings, was anorexic thin at one point, Bmi was 16 and a half, then went way up and now is absolutely good. and yes i worried. my Mom has been mostly very high Bmi (latest high at 50) and i worried. the thing for me is that i need to let them know i care and pay attention to my endeavor with recovery. i'm not with anyone significant at this point but would i worry then under the circumstances you outline? probably. i think instead of worrying or desiring what isn't there just acknowledge it will change when he isn't working so hard and allow yourself to be you. that is with worries sometimes and mostly just with a lot of love. nothing wrong with that.

  3. My husband is short but stocky. His weight doesnt bother me though. But at the end of the last pregnancy I weighed more than him and THAT bothered me. ALOT!

  4. lucy: i know, it's weird. i always liked being the smallest, but i'm not now, by any means. kind of right in the middle. in truth, i really wish Mike had more time for himself to rest and to eat well and regularly -- he really pushes himself. but things always work out. hope things are going well in your world!

    azhe'n: interesting perspective-- yes, i worry about friends and loved ones, like when my teenage niece makes comments about how fat she is. I almost can't breathe.

    thanks for the encouragement!

    lisalisa; yeah, that couldn't have been too fun for one of us.

    my last boyfriend was a cuddly teddy bear type -- there was no way i was ever going to weigh anything near what he did. i appreciated that!

    Mike is much more type. i just don't want him to be thinner for a man than i am for a woman. ridiculous!!!!!! guess i have more work to do....

  5. My husband is about 60 pounds more than me, but he has been losing and gaining the same 25 pounds in the 25 years I've known him. I like that he is bigger than me, but I would like him to lose a little just for his health. At me heaviest he was still heavier than me. My daughter is my height but weighs more, she is in college, not a very healthy eater. My son is 3"taller than me and weighs less, I would like him to gain a little, just for his health. So in my family we are a variety of sizes. I was always jealous of my sister who is 5' 2" and about 110 pounds.

  6. I am totally comforted by a guy with a belly. That's my weak spot, so I figure if he has a little extra around the middle, he won't care about my gut.

    In my family, I am the runt. All three of my sisters--all younger than me, some by quite a bit--are over 200 pounds. I'm 140 and it drives me nuts. But when I'm around them, I'm freakin' petite!