Tuesday, January 4, 2011


I forgave my mother on Sunday.

I realized she was broken too, and I forgave her. Yes, in many ways, she wasn’t the mother I might have wanted, but by holding on to ever single thing she ever did and said, I made it all worse. As I re-lived each “wrong” over and over and over and over, I experienced each miserable experience over and over.

In a way, I loved my resentments. They were what I knew, they kept me righteous and they gave me purpose. Poor me, what an awful childhood – I need a drink. Poor me - let me pop a pill to space out the world

But the drink, the pills, the binging, the purging, the starving -- they made me miserable and took away my chance to move forward and to be free.

My mother had a difficult life, my mother was broken too - i forgive her.

My mother was a beautiful pianist. Her parents wanted her to be a secretary, but my mother paid her way through Juilliard by teaching piano lessons. At 16, she moved to New York and supported herself living on the Upper West Side. Mom was so smart and charismatic and engaged in life. When my mother got her Parkinson's diagnose, she went to Thailand and rode a camel.

I look like my mother and smile when people tell me that.

For most of my life, I forgot all these lovely things and only remembered all the negative and lived the hurts over and over and over.

I forgive her as so many have forgiven me.

I loved my mother.

Do try this exercise at home.


  1. Yep when you take the parents off off of the "perfect" pedestal and see them as human just like you the forgivness flows. I'm realizing that now as well. I forgave them most things a long time ago and the things that I can't forgive I'm seeing in a new light.

    I hope you made it great through NYE. I've been so sick I have not been looking at hardly any bloggs lately. Stay safe and sober this year.

  2. Beautiful! I hope to talk to you soon. :)

  3. Linda: the last 3.5 months have truly been humbling, in such a good way.

    Eat for Fun: i'm so sorry you've been feeling awfully and it's lingered. Get well soon. Happy New Year to you.

    Angela; Hope you're doing okay. thinking of you! Take really good care. and do whatever you need to do for yourself. call or write whenever you feel like it -- no pressure!

  4. Yes, it is empowering to know that we have choices. We don't have to be a product of our past. My mother was a pianist too, well she still plays.

    This was a beautiful post.

  5. Lovely post. It can be hard to forgive, but in the end, there is a feeling of peace and understanding. I hope yo continue to heal from your past and grow for your future.

  6. im glad you admit you sort of loved your resentments. I do too and i feel guilty for it. such a bizarre pleasure. I think acknowledging it is so important. this is such a cathartic post...good for you. and thank you.

  7. Harriet; it's truly lovely to simply love my mother. whoa, did i harbor resentment. major. it felt awful. this is nice.

    tiptoe; i'm really working on forgiveness. so many have forgiven me. still, i'll find myself brewing on something. old habits, indeed!

    ghost girl: hi! great to hear from you. yes, i can enjoy a good wallow in self-pity. but it gets me nowhere. i'm not evening enjoying sad songs at the moment -- but i'm sure that won't last. hope you'll post again soon. maybe you use other venues instead?

  8. "When we truly understand, there is nothing to forgive."

    I read that in one of my spiritual books after my last divorce. I'll never forget those words.