Saturday, April 3, 2010

telling the truth

there are many truths to tell.

i'm an addict. i don't drink, drug or eat in moderation. i mustn't drink, take drugs or starve.

i have been drinking, contemplating klonopin, and i have lost weight (trigger alert -- i've been restricting some.)

my addictions get triggered while i'm traveling. my sleep gets screwed, and i want ambien. my brother insists we dine exquisitely at every meal -- i eat less and crave cabernet a whole lot more.

i took a second job selling make-up at macy's. i've suffered over how to tell my brother 1.) i won't be as available to work for him and 2.) i don't want to travel for him anymore.

i've been freaking about this for a couple of weeks. how do i tell him? what do i tell him?

what about the truth?

telling him the truth takes care of me. and how can he rage at my truth?

what about telling myself the truth? i'm an addict. i don't drink, drug or eat in moderation. i can't drink, drug or starve myself.

to be continued...


  1. Oh Lissy - I'm sorry you are in this difficult position. I know how hard it is to tell someone "no". No, I can't work for you, no I can't travel for you. It must be even more difficult since this is your brother.

    But on the other hand, since he is your brother, I hope he has your best interests at heart. Your health, emotional and mental well being, need to be a priority. I hope he would understand that.

  2. Lissy, life is short and you have to get to a point where your well being is number one.

    Tell him the truth. Once you tell the truth about things that matter, really matter, then it frees you and sorts out all those around you. As for telling the truth to yourself, have you not done that? Reading your blog tells me that you have.

    What is the worst your brother can do? He may be cross at you. He may say you "owe" him your loyalty because you are his sister and because he has helped you out. But love from him should not be conditional on you staying with him if it costs you your hard earned well being.

    Maybe he will be angry because by you leaving him may force him to face some of his own truths. Then again, he may well be wanting you to be happy and will just be sad you want to leave. And sad is normal.

    It may make you feel mean (the leaving him) and then want to fix that feeling by staying longer with him. But you are putting off the inevitable fact, you need to take care of you. You need your life to be happy and manageable.

    You would be surprised just how easy it is to say no once you get past the first one or two.

  3. It sounds like some behaviors have popped up due to some anxiety about the work situation. I would be honest with your brother. You'll be so relieved when the words just leave your mouth. I hate confrontation like that, but I always feel better when it's done. Good luck, and take care of yourself!

  4. harriet; we'll see. my brother may feel like i've broken a promise to work for him a lot over the summer doing customer service, which doesn't involve travel. i'll still do it, but only part-time. we'll see. most importantly, i have to take care of my health.

    linda; thank you! i do need to take a lot better care of myself. i've slipped back into bad habits. a bunch of things have been really stressful and then throw in the travel... i need to stay in one place and take care of myself.

    we'll see with my brother. he has a temper. and business hasn't been great this year. ahh, but the truth is the truth. and it's the way to go.

    kim; you're right about the relief. after i speak with him (and my sister-in-law), at least i'll know the reaction, whatever it may be.

    i'm worried about a few things coming up and how i'll handle them. i hope to do it all with the greatest of sobriety. thank you so for your support

  5. You need to tell him the truth. Your health is more important than anything else, and if you get sick from restricting or other unhealthy behaviors, you won't be able to work at all.

    I know it's hard (I have difficulty saying no), but you can't allow yourself to relapse further. You deserve better and have worked hard to recover.

    Know you are in my thoughts and here's some HUGS!


  6. Ouch. What a tough situation. I think it's great, though, that you can admit such hard things about your life style. (not about you. you are not your addiction or ed.)

    You have to tell your brother the truth. You know that he loves you, he'll have to be supportive of you. You are doing this for YOUR health, not for his. He may be angry, sad and disappointed, but these are all feelings you'll have to face. I think you're making the right decision, if it means anything. Look at what excessive traveling has already done. You are irreplaceable. Take care of yourself.
    I'm a firm believer that everything that is supposed to happen will. I think that things will work out. But nothing will happen if you don't communicate. Start with the truth, it'll never lead you astray. :)

    Happy Easter!

  7. angela; i appreciate the hugs! honesty can be so hard for me. i had built a life around white lies. sometimes, i'll still find myself fibbing when the truth is just fine. it's something i very actively work on.

    yes, i don't want to relapse further. i ate well this weekend. but drinking, et. al....
    that's the new mission. i feel good today. and that's nice

    shae adele; communication can also be really hard for me. i think that's where all my addictions come in -- stuff down feelings and then anesthetize them in any way possible.

    i'm a really fearful person. i'm so afraid of my brother's temper (and his wife's). we'll all be in minnesota for a convention (i'm at the airport). i guess i'll tell them this week. yick. but what do they say - the truth will set you free?! thanks for your excellent input.

  8. Truth is the best option. My sister and I fight like cats and dogs but when we need eachother we are allways there. That's what family does for eachother. At least ours. He might be hurt for a short while but will get over it.

  9. As Judge Judy says, if you tell the truth, you don't need to have a good memory. Often, the dreading of the experience is worse than the experience, at least for me. I haven't been reading blogs or keeping up lately, so forgive me for not knowing, but do you hate your job, or just traveling with your brother? You probably don't have to eat/spend so much time with him, that might reduce some stress. As for the wine, food, I have no advice, but sounds like stress exacerbates the situation. I'm likely going to tighten up my food, mild restriction seems okay for me. Good luck.

  10. Oh sweetie- I hear you. It's so hard to be that honest, isn't it? But reread your post and pretend that I wrote it on my blog. What would your advise be? Somehow I think you'd offer to call him for me! You can do this. His anger is his problem, not yours.
    Sending warmth and peace your way, sister.

  11. I think the truth is always the way to go. I continue to be amazed at your strength and willpower. It can't be easy. Hugs to you! XOXO

  12. Hello,
    I've read through some of your blog and it's really reassuring to know it's not just me that struggles.
    I am currently sat munching my way through toast and chocolate mini eggs... not a healthy combination yet I can't seem to help myself and I know I will feel horrendously guilty after.
    Saying 'No' to anything when you're addicted is sooo hard. I'm new to blogging but after reading your blog and a few others I already feel less alone :)
    Gecko x