Sunday, July 5, 2009

I Should Have Blogged. Instead of Eating

so, i was a little antsy today. i wanted to blog and read but had too many other things to do.

instead, i ate. i ate dinner eons before i was hungry and just a few hours after a good lunch. there was some bbq chicken. then a hot dog on a roll. then salad. some chips and salsa. i wasn't hungry, but my beloved was eating and it looked good and i was a little antsy. i wanted to blog about what was going on. but i didn't. and i could have.

i had a tootsie roll lollipop to stave off more eating. we watched a fairly dull movie. i got a little antsier. there were two or three pieces of chocolate involved. some water for closure. more movie. i was getting too lethargic to do anything else, anyway.

there was cake in the refrigerator. german chocolate cake with coconut icing. and a cherry on top. i had a nice piece of that.

oh so bloated, and the antsy-meter goes up. the dull movie ended. i put another one in.

"don't you want to blog?", asked my beloved. smart man.

well, i've been having a SOUL-feeding time for the last hour or so. haven't desired food since i tapped the first key. let this be a loving message to me.

i could have just blogged. now i know


  1. lesson learned. I'm glad you found blogging to be a healthy way to keep your mind off food. Happy blogging!

  2. Well, as long as you enjoyed it then that is okay. Not like you are doing this everyday. You are entitled to pig out now and then - as we all are.

    I just don't have that stuff in the house. I don't eat it, but my husband and son would quite happily munch away. Too much tempation for them. Mindless munching. Mmmmmm. Icecream just rarely appears in the freezer.

    Blogging is better.

  3. No need to beat yourself up. You knew what you needed to do...and you did it. We all have slip ups from time to time. You knew you had to get your mind off food (and so did your man...go him), and that's what really matters in my book!

  4. Hey, yes, what they said, don't beat yourself up!

    I can never resist cake in the fridge. Never. I gobbled far too much yesterday too.. lemon meringue pie was my downfall, and chips and chicken legs, and salad, and fact, I think I just completely copied you!

    You have come through such a lot. I get a feeling of pride whenever I see your posts!

  5. bbq chicken?? hot-dogs, chips & salsa?? AND chocolate cake?? all in ONE DAY??? .... perhaps a little celebration was in order .... no harm done - today is a new day ... let's write-off yesterday as a wonder of a holiday weekend

  6. I so can relate with you. My ED's voice can be so strong sometimes, and convince me that nothing but eating will soothe me. I've realized I just need to s l o w d o w n. I think this is because food ultimately slows me down, makes me lazy, and not want to move (ie eating when not hungry, over eating)

    Then there are times I think, holy crap, image if I never started blogging?

  7. As everyone has said, dont feel guilty for having an occasional feast. You've been doing so well in other areas, it almost seems that you look for a reason to beat up on yourself. Don't.

    Everyone is entitled to treat themselves now and then. The real enjoyment comes when we can finally do it without feelings of guilt.

    You are doing beautifully. enjoy your life. You deserve to.

  8. It's okay to eat soul food sometimes. There doesn't always have to be an occasion like Thanksgiving to nourish one's body and mind. Did you at least enjoy the chocolate cake? If so, then it was a good thing.

    Maybe next time take a second to assess your needs. Do you need to have food because you're hungry? Do you need to emote through the blog? Do you need to take a minute to think about it?

  9. hi burpandslurp: thank you for writing. yes, blogging does keep my mind off food, if i'm not hungry, that is. also, i do need to learn to do what i need to do, whatever that is. if i'm honoring my needs, i often don't need food or other distractions.

    Linda: sometimes, i'll stay at my apartment just because i only have diet coke, water and anything i've just brought in for my meal. my boyfriend's freezer usually doesn't bother me. sometimes, it's even fun. but on a slow sunday, it can start wooing me. and yes, blogging is better!

    Kim: i did finally figure out what i wanted to do. as i said earlier, it wasn't as much distracting me from food, as doing what i wanted vs. what i thought i should do. food really calls my name less and less. although it still does, of course.

    Re: my boyfriend and me. we have worked on a lot and our relationship gets better. i never thought i'd meet someone in west nj at the (then age) of 43. and he went to my high school. i have more than 100% faith that you will meet your soulmate. so, you don't have to worry about that anymore!

    Abi: thank you. thank you. by the way, i've been reading your blog. everytime i go to respond, i'm called away. work has been busy, busy. and with west coast clients too, i'm getting calls and emails at all hours. i thought this was going to be my quietest time, but that hasn't quite worked.

    chips and salsa and lemon meringue (we have that in the fridge too!). you ARE me! or perhaps, i am you.

    anonymous dko: we did have a beautiful weekend, didn't we? it was a particularly special. the food foray is long forgotten. looking forward to many more weekends with you, my dear anonymous.

    sarah: holy crap, indeed. if i hadn't started blogging, i'd probably be drooling off in some corner. over-eating makes me so lethargic and dissatisfied. i can't believe i actually made it off the couch and to the computer room last night. kudos to me. and kudos to you for all your growing. we've come a long way, baby!

    Kar: i had such a great day today. maybe it's because i'm starting to listen to myself.

    i brought my computer to my boyfriend's shop and worked out of his office. this way, i wasn't alone (as when i work from home) or at my brother's office (enough said.) i got so much done in a relaxed and enjoyable enviroment.

    stay cool, florida woman!

    Just Eat It: i do need to access before i eat. i often eat without thinking -- old habits die hard. i'll notice after that i had no idea what just went down, in more ways than one. i don't usually let that bother me, because i'm pretty good with food choices and portion control. it's gotten kind of natural, most of the time. the chocolate cake tasted great, but i was too full and guilty to really appreciate it.

    hope you're doing well. you are always an inspiration.

  10. Hi there!

    I just found your blog today and wanted to give you some {HUGS}. I am in recovery from binge eating disorder and I know what it feels like to just keep eating. It sucks. Good for you for just moving on and forgiving yourself. That is half the battle sometimes.

  11. Christie: welcome to the blog. thank you for writing.

    your last post on your blog seems to make the same point -- we need to listen to ourselves! our insides know best.