Wednesday, July 31, 2013

No More Food Obsession?!

Pancakes were always my go to binge food, and they were my very favorite food.  Because I thought they were a trigger and wouldn’t be able to eat them normally and moderately, I haven’t had a pancake in many years.

Yesterday, my boss ordered pancakes for lunch and asked if I wanted a bite. “Hmmm”, I thought. It would be interesting to test my theory that one bite would likely lead to endless rounds with Aunt Jemima.
I took a bite. It was pleasant, but – it was just a pancake. What a revelation.

I’ve had a lot of revelations about food lately, with the most important being that it’s not that interesting!!!!  My whole damn life I thought food was the end all be all. I believed that if I wouldn’t gain weight, I would spend all my time eating and all of it would be rich and fattening foods. For most of my life , I thought about food ALL the time. One time, I realized I hadn’t once thought about eating for 5 whole minutes, and it brought me to tears.

Lately, I’ve noticed that my food obsession is, well, not there. It’s has though it’s been removed from me.  It floors me. I don’t think about food and when I’m eating, a small portion suffices perfectly. When I’m done, I don’t think about food again until I’m actually hungry.  And “fattening” food holds no particular interest.

(did I just write that paragraph?)

For the longest time, I ate well but still found myself envying people who ate more quantities and less healthy food. I stayed away from foods that were too appealing – foods I would always want more and more of. One slice of pizza seemed never enough.

But now………it’s different. Sometimes the pizza looks good; sometimes it doesn’t. And when it looks good, I’ll take a couple of bites and……….well, I’m good.

I can not believe this freedom. 


  1. It has been my experience that there is a chemical threshold, and once we go over, the food issue comes back, if your (the) issue is chemical. The other point is where is the chemical source, the food or self generated? Where is your individual threshold? Also note that the threshold is adaptive, that is it keeps changing.

  2. And i really know that this is new and probably not permanent. i'm not sure about the chemical threshold. all my life i would tell you i had "it" that one piece of bread lead to loaves. with certain foods, i can feel "it" - like after i eat a cracker or white rice, i could see where i'd love more, but i tell myself that one is enough or one serving is enough, and i stop easily. so, i'm not sure.

    Can you say more? Thanks for writing.

  3. The knowledge that you have been released from your obsession with food gives me so much hope that it may not always be this way for me. Thank you for sharing. Best to you. xo

  4. Shae; you are so often in my thoughts. i pray you make the decision to get well. it's within your reach, my friend. please always let me know anyway i can help. xo Melissa