if you've read earlier posts, you know that my niece,Jenny, is 14 and the apple of my eye. as she hit puberty, she gained some weight (normal, right?) until, according to my sister Molly, her mother, she was 5'4 and 137. Molly actually whispered this to me, because my niece was nearby (i think it's weird that we even know our weight so exactly. "137", not "around 135". but that's one of my pet peeves, particularly as that's the very same way i gauge my weight.)
my niece has begun a dance program at school and dances hours every day. evidently, she's toned up and slimmed down and is much happier with, as my sister said, "her taut stomach, real abs and toned butt." (Jenny's also wearing sexier clothes and asked for a belly button ring. weren't we better off when she had a few extra pounds and wore sweats? by the way, my sister nixed the belly button ring. we can all breathe a little easier about that!)
during the conversation, i tried to stay very neutral about the weight loss, saying that i was very happy that jenny was feeling better about herself and making new friends and enjoying school.
then, my sister said, "she really looks better." i didn't know what to say. i kind of spaced out for a minute. could i tell my sister that her remarks felt poisonous. did she think jenny was less beautiful with a few extra pounds and a few more jiggles?
i didn't say anything. molly's NOT a touchy-feely person. she's all about taking action. my words would only make her angry.
of course, if i did say anything, it would be more gentle than "your words are poisonous" still, i'm afraid. she wouldn't HEAR me. she'd think i was a pain in the ass. she'd know i was wrong. she'd tell me she's happy just because Jenny is happier. she'd really shut me down.
still, i'm angry with myself. i should have stood up for what i believe. how can we have healthy daughters if our mothers agree that we ARE less beautiful with extra pounds.
i'm sorry i shut my mouth. what do you guys think? is it worth bringing it up with her?
DOESN'T IT SUCK?