i'm not happy. my body tells me too. my stomach hurts, my heart races, i can't think straight
and boy does red wine look good. i have to tell you that -- someone needs to know.
i'm lonely. my only close friends in nj were eve and ted. eve moved to the mid-west and ted's been strangely distant. he's been my rock my whole life and now he's kind of drifted away. how can that be?
ted held me with him through everything. the death of my parents, my dangerous addictions, everything.
i guess i didn't realize how his absence is upsetting me. could i just ask him? i'll have to think about that. he wasn't well for a while. he's in a new relationship. i guess he's just human. i don't hear anything he's say. i guess he's just human.
i'm happi-less with myself. i haven't done shit with those applications. instead, i waste hours and hours of time and spend too much money. i'm not working until next week. all this wasted time trying to comfort myself in all the wrong ways.
this mood isn't like me, usually. i used to be like this and boy did i cry. now fucking lexapro won't let me cry.
i'm hopeful for the future but afraid it won't work. impractical, i am. unproductive. messy.
do you ever feel this too?