Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Crystal Renn, The Hunger
i could not wait to read this book. i pre-ordered it on amazon and kept checking for its arrival.
it was a good book, but i was disappointed. Renn does a great job describing her youth and her starving days while modeling. the detail is clear; the story incisive. i felt i lived it with her. What a heart-wrenching, frightening experience. it's a cautionary tale and one that will help
but then she glosses over the part i wanted most -- the years of gaining weight. what was it like? how did she feel looking in the mirror as her face and body expanded. what her thoughts as those jean sizes went up? what did she eat? can it really have been as easy, breezy as she makes it sound? there's so much more there, and i want it.
i want to know how to accept and embrace natural weight gain. i want to know how to face the mirror as a new, larger size. how can i laugh at the scale? how to let go of the people who prefer me, and everyone, a size 6/8?
i wish she'd gone there.
on another, but not really dissimiliar, note, dr stacy of Every Woman Has an Eating Disorder
writes that some parents of pre-schoolers are being offered the opportunity to have their kid's school pictures airbrushed.
this freaks me out. where is our culture headed? are we going to end up in a futuristic society where perfect beauty (of the mainstream variety) is everything and the only thing? i worry it really can happen. now we condone telling pre-schooler they're just not good enough at all, just as they are? it's the saddest thing.
angelica huston sticks in my mind -- what a beautiful woman with the world's character on her face. she has an important nose and kind of lop-sided features, AND i've always loved her beauty.
but in today's world, symmetry's beating character nearly all the time. and now it's starting in pre-school.
my late mother was so proud of my kindergarten picture. i wore a navy jumper and had a big bow around my ponytail. there's one stray pump in the front of my hair, where obviously the comb missed the spot. kind of adorable, actually.
my fiance has that picture on his side of the bed. he named it "little Melissa". even i, who think nothing of my looks, think it's cute. imagine if it had been air-brushed. self-hatred could have started on that very day.
ah, do you think i feel strongly about this?