Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Throwing up

I felt a little queasy after dinner Sunday night but didn't make too much of it until I woke up at 2 am desperately needing to throw up violently.

It was awful and sickening and painful and terrible. All I wanted was it for it too end, please, please, please.

It occurred to me that for most of my life, i CHOSE to throw up in and throughout the day. AND i even got some perverse pleasure from it -- i felt i was regurgitating all my problems AND all the calories i'd binged in right before the purge. I'd come out lighter, i thought, emotionally and physically.

It hard to imagine voluntarily doing what i went thru Sunday night.


  1. I hope you are feeling better today? I feel your pain-i HATE vomit. Yet i used to make myself vomit daily.Odd!

  2. RecoveringClaire; i am feeling so much better, thank you! Vomiting is the worst -- we knew that as little kids, but then........Thanks for writing!!

  3. I know how this feels. When I was sick a year ago after being in recovery and abstaining from throwing up for all that time... the natural act of throwing up was horrible. I fought it for a long time and then had to let it happen. I was ok.