Thursday, February 4, 2010

Anti Anti-Aging

i got invited to a Botox party today. but wait, aren't i 23?

uh no, i'm not 23, but that's how old i really think i am. they say your emotional growth stops at the age your addiction/ED started. i can't quite pinpoint it, but i'm still pretty immature.

when did i get to be old enough to be invited to a botox party? i don't know, but i really didn't know how much i must show my age.

there i was at the hairdressers, getting my highlights. (since i always color my hair, i couldn't tell you if it's ever gotten gray). the lady who does make-up at the salon was bored and offered to do my make-up while my color was "lifting" (i love that word. sounds so positive.)

as she applied the make-up, she got really "helpful" and showed me a cream that would help diminish the lines around my eyes. "they're not too bad yet, " she warned. "better to start using this now before they get really bad."

i didn't know i had lines around my eyes. well, maybe i did, but i didn't really NOTICE them. they're MY eyes, when did they start getting "bad".

(just an aside, the other day i was putting make-up on my niece, who really IS 23, and then I saw it -- our eyes have different skin around them. her face is like a baby's. mine......evidentally not so much.)

back to my make-up session. here come the balms and creams and lotions and vitamin repairs, all "reasonably" priced compared to the ones they sell at Macy's. well, actually they were cheaper than the ones they sell at department stores, but they were still exhorbitant, particularly as i hadn't known i'd even had these horrible lines before i got to the salon.

next we moved on to my laugh lines. while the eyes were borderline, the laugh lines were already becoming a problem. and you know what, on closer inspection, they are kind of deep. happily the same balms, lotions, creams, sprays, vitamin repairs, exfoliators, and cleansers could battle BOTH the crows feet and the laugh lines. wow, what a financial savings.

still, they could only do so much. did i want to come to Botox party with a fabulous plastic surgeon who'd demonstrate the most exciting new techniques in.... (i forget what botox does to the skin. puff it out? if it does puff out your face, what self respecting gal with an ED would sign-up to pay tons of money to fatten her face?)

i was floored. did someone just invite ME to a botox party. i feel a million years old. kaploom goes my spirit. here i'm ready to start all over and change careers and finally become the person i never got to be because i was starving, binging, purging, drinking and drugging and now i'm old?!!!

i've been moping around all day. waaa. i'll never be young again. i have crows feet. no employer will ever hire such an old bag.

as i'm moping around, i remember that every time i go to buy make-up skin cream lately, someone tries to sell me anti-wrinkle,anti-aging, anti-crows feet, anti-laugh line cream.

why? what's wrong with lines? what's wrong with age? i know i'm programmed, so i won't like it when those laugh lines deepen and the crinkles show up on my forehead, but what's so wrong with them?

i'm not spending hundreds of dollars on potions. and i'm certainly not inserting poison in my face. such a weird concept.

i pray i write this very same thing when i'm 55.


  1. Aging - one of my greatest fears. I'll be 50 in a few months.

  2. It's weird, I don't have the fears of aging in terms of physically. (other than injuries) Maybe, it's because I'm Asian and they say we age so well. :grin: I may feel differently in ten years though.

    Still though, it's awful when someone points these things out that we never thought about before. Things like wrinkles, laugh lines, eyebrows, etc. all seem a bit intimate really.

    I try hard to say away from make-up counters and such, just so I don't have some salesperson trying to sell me something.

    And as for botox and such, I'm not a big fan other than for medical uses like migraines or something. Awhile back, I read the book Beauty Junkies, and oh my, I was floored when I found out they use gortex (material of my rain jacket and shoes at the time) in some cosmetic procedures.

  3. I feel ya, sister. I feel like I finally lost all the weight, now I can be cute for 10 minutes before I'm too old. I'm not sure so many other countries are as focused on youth as the US, maybe I should look for a new one.

  4. Wait until the internal aging starts to kick in......

    I would rather be where I am at now than peachy pie faced twenty years old (unless I could keep the brain I have now).

    Imagine if tomorrow morning all the women in the world woke up and said "hey, I am happy the way I am". The beauty industry would collapse and let us not even talk about the weight loss industry. Those industries prey on all our insecurities.

    Botox looks odd. I have seen people with it and they look rigid and waxen. I would never touch it. I am just not that interested in looking like a 38 year old store mannequin.

    Just keep doing your hair and wearing a little bit of make up. Sun screen, sleep and just be happy within.

  5. completely agree with everything you say here; as always! Have you considered working for some sort of organization that does outreach about positive body image or health or.... something along those lines? You speak in a really inspiring way about these topics - about encouraging women/people to accept themselves and stay true to themselves...

  6. omg that is a great idea - you have an amazing story and valuable opinions! i would love to listen to you speak.

    I am so sorry that all of us have to live with this...a lifetime of being berated for our appearances by every media outlet imaginable. None of us deserve it.

  7. I'm always amazed at the passage of time. My anorexia started when I was 18. Much of the time, I still feel that age, even though I've progressed so far in recovery. I still feel like part of me stopped when I was 18. I can't even believe I'm 30. It's crazy.

    What else is crazy is how much women are pressured to look flawless. What the hell is "flawless" anyway? We are taught to want to "improve" ourselves. Don't get me started on Heidi Montag. I don't think anyone is really encouraged to just love themselves as they are, which is a shame. I suppose advertisers have to get us to hate ourselves to sell their products. It's about the money.

  8. wrinkles, crinkles, crevices, stretch and laugh lines are all part of MY history ... i earned them, and they all represent the journey of my life. heck, i'm not 21 anymore nor do i want to be, in fact - i'm rather fond of my (thought provoking) lines, they keep me in check with reality and remind me of my lifelines' position, ... so with that said, i've choosen to accept me as i am, rather than just accepting parts of me.

    W. Rinkles

  9. FIGHT THE NORM! People get old or they die! Which would your rather be? For me I'll go for old.

  10. I know, I'm 16 and really don't have much to say in this blog.

    However, my grandma is turning 75 soon, and everytime she smiles, her crowsfeet and laugh lines only deepen. My grandma smiles alot; her wrinkles are only a sign of her happiness. :)

    Ps. My other grandma is 80. She had a long, hard battle with breast cancer about fifteen years ago. Her wrinkles are a sign that her disease didn't kill her.
    Just a thought. :)

  11. I battled with anorexia for awhile and ever since I got control of my workouts I've felt great. Granted I'm still pretty young so I don't know what I'll feel like when the time comes, but I can't imagine not working out and trying to keep young that way... it does work!

    Good post though... I've always wondered what it would be like to go to a botox party.

  12. Gosh. While Topiary does not pay for highlights, nor for all those expensive creams, and lotions, and actually, only sets foot in those expensive stores and malls on very rare occasions...

    and then is so intimidated leaves without buying or trying anything...

    still, Topiary must admit she has had Botox in the past, back when she was married and had money. Alas it only lasts for about four months, and it doesn't puff anything out. Topiary must respectfully disagree with all the posters on very minor grounds.

    See, if your face looks pretty good except for those frown lines between your eyebrows, Botox can, with 4 tiny jabs, smooth those out and believe me you do look years younger.

    Of course you are also around 400 bucks per visit poorer. Topiary must mention that all the people who look "frozen" must either have too much, or also use other things, or are Hollywood types who just do way too much. A little teensy bit into just the worst wrinkles actually is a great mood-lifter.

    Topiary hesitates to write this because Melissa is too young, but maybe in around 10 years it might be something to look into.

    By the way, there was no "party" about Topiary experience, it was strictly doctor visit at a Board-Certified Dermatologist (MD) and that is obviously the only way to go....

    Please don't obsess, just wanting to share my entirely positive experience...

    Friendly moo!

  13. Wow - you got to 43 and you're only just getting the you're looking a little faded - let me introduce a way to empty your wallt that will make you look younger spiel

    My first incident of that nature happened in my 30s. You must look fantastic!

  14. been thinking of Botox Parties all through my yoga class - I'd go.

    We had the wonderfully glamorous Barbara Cartland who gave beauty tips freely, one was to use band aids to lift the face skin and attach it more tightly by the ears, the other was to have a fine chain running from ear to ear under her chin thus lifting ones wattles

  15. Topiary Cow is right about the Botox. Done carefully it makes a person look fresh. Done too much and too often it looks odd. Also, some people age quickly compared to others and may not want to look 55 if they are only 45 (or look 45 when they are 35) so Botox would help greatly. A little bit of tweaking here and there can do wonders.

    Perhaps it is easy to be put off Botox and similar treatments thanks to the over the top celebrity frozen faces around.

    Like anything, if done well it works but, at the end of the day, trying to completely avoid the aging process is like holding back the tide with your hand. There has to be a balance.

    Really, most people just want to look a little bit fresher and brighter and not necessarily want to shave 20 years off their appearance.

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  17. harriet; how did we get to this age? the president is just a little older than i. i don't feel mature enough to take care of myself, let alone the world.

    tiptoe; i need to be more like you -- just back away from the counter. i get sucked in by the pretty colors (what am i - six?) and it's all over.

    I'm picturing my face as a rain slicker.

    linda; hair, make-up, sunscreen and SLEEP. i confess -- i like really heavy eye make-up. i think it's pretty, and it cheers me up. i wear evening wear eyes all day.

    sleep is the true beauty miracle. imagine if we could all get enough?

    julie: it still frustrates me that there's such a weight thing. why are we supposed to lose weight to be cute? you have worked so much and so hard and it's great for your health, i'm sure, but you were just fine before. i read on your blog that, evidently, some guys admit that they only date thin to thin-ish women. my blood boils. my fiance is adorably chubby (trust me, he's a lot bigger than the allegedly chubby obama girls), and i think he's the best looking guy in town.

    okay, i'll get off my soap box. it's always been my dream to speak out about respecting the bodies we have. my eating disorder came very young and tortured me cruelly. i used to pray that there was some way to change the world's perception of women and our bodies. i've always wanted to speak to the next generation, so they'd have easier lives than i. when i hear my niece stressing about her thighs, i ....well, i get too sad.

  18. shawna, thank you so much. i think we should all go on tour.

    every message tells us there's something wrong with us. why are we afraid to look like ourselves?

    what would you have done with your time if you thought you were perfect just the way you were? interesting question for me.

    kim; it IS about the money. i also think it's about our natural tendencies -- survival of the fittest (literally). we all strive to be strongest, best and to survive. sometimes, that means putting others down and making strange rules -- fat is bad, age is bad, some religions are bad....

    i find our natural instincts often bizarre.

    anonymous; i think you're a man. men are handsome with wrinkles and crinkles. very adorable. do you want a woman with the same characteristics?

    eating alone; i pick "old" too. still, age can look scarey. when i was at the hairdressers, i saw a grown woman with her very elderly mom. the mom had such a hard time getting her head into the sink and then sitting in the stylists chair. all the things that i do easily, naturally and with joy are so hard for that mom. yet, i'll take my chances.

    shae adele; i bet the botoxers will be hitting high schools soon.

    you are so right about grandmoms. my grandmother had gorgeous pure white skin, bright blue eyes and beautiful pure white hair. compare her beauty to joan rivers...

    workouts for women; exercise is great. my only issue is that some of my friends with eating disorders exercise regardless of illness or injury. i wonder if you've figured out a healthy relationship with food? THANK YOU for writing.

    cow; i would have botox in a heartbeat --i'll try anything. i think it's fun. that doesn't mean i think it's what i should be doing.

    i don't think there's anything wrong with anything but it does scare me that's there more and more out there to change the way we look. kind of like a science fiction movie.

    lulu labonne; i think i'm going to start slicking my hair back into a tight bun. will also stand on my head so blood flows prettily into my cheeks. this will have the added plus of lifting my breasts and butt. i wonder if i could market head stands as "the new full-body lift"?

  19. linda; you are so right. it is very nice to look fresher -- like you've had several superb night's sleeps. still, wouldn't it be nice if aging were considered beautiful? there's no rule in nature that 16 looks better than 60.

    but too late, i fear. hmmm, maybe i'll take a nice long nap.

    claudia; thank you so much for your lovely words. and thank you for stopping by the blog.

    i would love to write articles. i just signed up for a writing class, so i can tweak my writing skills.

    is there any topic that interests you? thanks again