Monday, November 30, 2009

the Flu and my ED

anyone else feeling achey? aaargh, i have an all-day flight tomorrow. AND i am the worst sick person. i am sick; hear me whine.

feeling under the weather scares me. it's weird.

i think a part of the fear circles around my ED. it's hard to connect with hungry and full when i'm sick. when i'm well and my stomach gurgles or my head aches, it's often a sign that i'm hungry. when i'm ailing and the tummy churns or the head throb, i can't be sure, and i lose equilibrium around food.

do i want to eat for comfort when i'm sick OR am i hungry.

my ED sees an opportunity and remembers something about starving a fever and feeding a flu. or was it the reverse. ahhh, why not starve them both, he suggests, while he's gaining strength and mine is failing from fever?

my healthy brain kicks in and says NO, NO, NO, Ed. We have to nourish our achey body.

But readers, you know how much work this whole process is.

so, i'm off to rest my aching bones. and i will feed them. i can't stand the obsession. it's just sort habitual now.

but then again, there ARE other things bothering me. i fall back on the ED diversion.



  1. I'm sorry you are feeling sick, I hate being sick. For me I think it's the fear of being needy, or dependent on people. And obsessing that whatever illness I have is fatal and I'll drop dead any minute.

    Yes, rest and feed your body. Some chicken soup would be good.

  2. i have a cold right now and i just kind of want to cry. Because i feel BAD.
    i know what you mean about not recognizing hunger. I have sooo much trouble with my stomach that half time i do not know if I am hungry or nauseous. Also, after I had my gall bladder removed it got even more confusing.
    Well I hope you feel better soon. Take care of yourself, miss!
    btw - Hey do you take vitamins?

  3. Poor girl, I hope you feel better. Damn airplanes and thier stupid recycled air.

    I'd play it safe and just stick to soup, and maybe some fresh blueberries, which will make you well faster. And all kinds of fresh fruit, really. Mangoes. Kiwi fruit, etc.

    they won't turn your stomach, it's amazing comfort food, and you can eat as much as you want of it and not worry about gaining weight.

    I tend to go on fresh fruit binges when i don't feel well. That way I'm smugly doing something "good" for me, while keeping the caloric intake down. every time my stomach rumbled and I felt hungry, i grabbed some form of fruit and ate it. It helped in so many ways.

    Feel better soon! Take care of yourself, lots of rest and relaxation. ~hugs~

  4. I hope you feel better soon! I always get a ton of ED thoughts when I'm sick. I feel disconnected from my body, which triggers a lot of stuff for me. Hang in there. It always helps me to ask that question, "What would a recovered person do?" I seem to be better able to take care of myself when I consider that question.

  5. I lose my hunger when sick, quitting cigarettes, extreme stress, or other trauma, and I may tolerate for a few hours or a day, but if I suspect that I should be eating, I eat, though I don't feel like it. Maybe not as much as I should for optimal health, but enough to keep away any disordered eating. Theoretically, one might consider this disordered in itself, but as long as it doesn't make me feel uncomfortable or out of control, I'm okay with it.

    Hope you feel better.

  6. Hi! I thought I had your email, but I can't find it. Anyway, I got your comment. About the lists... the only thing that helps me when I start obsessing is to just put. the lists. away. Ha. Otherwise, I'll just check and re-check until I'm insane. I know it's some kind of anxiety thing for me.
    I hope you're doing well!!

  7. Girl! Are you ok? It's been so long.... Let us know you're not down with disease! :D

  8. Sorry you are sick...hope you are better. come we can't outgrow them? Or wear braces and straighten them out?

    Hope you feel better soon.

    Caring moo!