yes, i may be saving my life by going to rehab (we'll get to last night's near DUI in the next post), but more importantly (hm) for us ED gals, WILL I GET FAT?
first, there's the pre-rehab pleasures. wine, wine, wine. and with wine comes that glorious loss of reality which leads straight to the refrigerator. (BUT NO MORE DRIVING UNDER ANY INFLUENCE.)
i'm letting things go until tuesday. and letting the boyfriend drive.
then, in rehab, there is nothing to do but eat. and they have food available like 25 hours a day. breakfast, snack, 27 lunch choices, mid-afternoon snack, major dinner (with more desserts than there were lunch choices) and they deliver snacks to your rooms before bed. also note, that there are bagels and pastries in the kitchen at all times, so you can grab a few before you head off to breakfast. AND you're kept so dopey while you're detoxing. when i'm tired and dopey ALL i want is food. food. and more food.
true, a lot of patients NEED to put on weight. the coke, crack and heroin gang haven't had interest in food for a looooong time. (just a side mention, the heroin addicts were all teenagers. is there anything sadder? really, really smart kids. i can't imagine having gotten such an addiction so young. the rest of life is all about fighting to stay clean.)
last time i was there, it was summer, and i walked a lot. i was also a lot more into being thin, so i ate salad bars and drank diet sprite. (you can only have coffee or any caffeine until 9am. cranky melissa!)
now it will be cold, and i've run out of patience for dieting. but i guess not drinking a bottle of wine a day should widdle some of the calories.
when i was there in june i didn't miss the alcohol but i was taking SEVERAL ambien a night and getting off of that was awful. i dreamt about it every night. how many people have romantic dreams about ambien -- night after night?
returning home worries me too. there are some issues to face. if i'm not doing well with the boyfriend and wine is not an option, Mr. Fridge pulls a lot of ...."weight". also, the chips in the closet above the stove.
i'm going to have to DEAL with the problems, aren't i? yick.
i still can't quite believe i'm going. but i am. i'll miss blogging. it's so therapeutic and grounding. i'll miss you all!