i'm having a lot of trouble sleeping. a lot of wine and klonopin put me out and kept me out.
i've always been an insomniac. my natural sleep pattern is to fall asleep at 4 am and wake up at 11. when i waitressed or house managed theaters, that worked well.
but now i can't even sleep. i have trouble falling asleep and staying asleep and then nap on and off all day. not great patterns! i hope this gets better. i often think sleep is the most important thing in our lives. with enough sleep, we can do anything.
lack of sleep always makes me eat more. i think it will give me energy or i'm just too tired not to eat constantly. i don't like that whole deal!!!!!!!!!
eating's been weird during my detox. like the last time i came off klonopin, i've been nauseous and have zero appetite. and food looks and smells icky. i have eaten bits of things and made myself have dinner at my brother's tonight. it's even weirder, because i have my period, and that's when i always eat the most.
this pattern worries me, because it starts to become interesting. i've lost four pounds (that will happen when you cut out a bottle or so of wine a night and have no appetite.)
i hear my ED getting excited. "see, Melissa, you don't need to eat. look how little you're eating now. excellent work. bravo."
will he ever shut up?
i do feel certain that my appetite will return and my constant interest in food will return. this exact thing happened the last time i cut out klonopin and my ulcer flared like crazy. i lost a ton of weight, thought it was cool and interesting, but started eating again, like i always do.
so, this post was kind of blah. i initially wrote it so no one would read the one after it. i guess i do want you to read it. i've considered deleting it so many times or asking a friend's opinion first (you've heard this one before), but i'm leaving it up and keeping my fingers crossed that i made the right decision.