Not Dieting

Monday, December 8, 2008

not dieting. well, i don't know what to write. it's such an alien concept -- i don't remember ever not dieting in some form in my 44 years.

should i leave this page blank?no, i'm committed to -- not dieting, whatever that is. i really don't know. it's odd. some people must know how NOT to diet, but how?

my weight hasn't budged since i got back from california. and i really don't have any interest in doing anything about it. my ED tells me that's laziness, and i'd better watch my ass (literally) or i'll be in the Guiness Book for fattest woman on earth. or perhaps the planet. by new years.

but i'm not in the mood. i don't really care. (how weird is that?) i look fine.my ED howls, pointing out that my boobs are bursting out of their 36D constraints and bra straps dig into my shoulders. my pants are tighter, and i can't afford new clothes. my face is fuller, and it's losing definition. and wait until my next period -- NOTHING will fit, and i'll weigh more than i have in years.so?i mean it -- so.i didn't get on the scale today and wasn't interested. (of course, that's today. who knows how tempted i'll be tomorrow.)

i'm going to buy sexy underwear after work to honor my slightly fluffy body. and the next time i buy clothes, i'm going to buy stuff that shows off this figure. usually, when i'm not skinny, i buy clown pants, so no one can see where i end and the extra fabric starts.i've never had confidence in this here body, and that's going to change. i've only tortured it with binging, starving, laxatives, enemas, puking, compulsive eating, et. al. enough.victoria secrets watch out. let's find me a bigger bra for these burgeoning breasts. i don't think the boyfriend will complain.and neither will I.

Posted by MelissaS at 10:53 AM 6 comments Links to this post