Monday, December 15, 2008

lose weight/constipate

who am i kidding? (whom?) the last time i went to rehab, i lost 3 pounds in five days. no alcohol, lots of salad bar.

you may ask yourself -- is melissa looking forward to that again? is she, perhaps, plotting to restrict while quitting booze and pills? hm. what do you think?

well, there are two answers here. the first is, yes, i'm picturing those nice salad bars, and god knows they keep you so medicated, i couldn't make it to breakfast if Hugh Jackman, himself. carried me down. i'd tell him to f-off, bring me back to bed, and don't even think about any funny stuff (not that the sexiest man alive would be thinking about funny stuff with moi.)

but there's a second answer. i really no longer have any patience for dieting or restricting. it's BORING. and i've been bored for way too many years. so, we'll see.

the other issue is my brutally abused digestive tract. i can not do nothing without a fleet enema. a renowned rectal surgeon (yes, that's what it says on his card AND he's listed in new york magazine as one of new yorks best doctors. fancy, huh?) told me that it was okay to use an enema every day. better than laxatives, because they go thru your system. i have severe blockages and hernias in my intestinal tract. (so sorry for all this info!)

the nice people at silver hill hospital don't want to give me enemas, because they don't understand. they think it's part of an eating disorder purging ritual and refuse to hearme on this issue.

i'm tempted to take immodium, so i just don't have to go for FIVE days. it sounds awful, but it's better than the alternative?

does anyone else deal with this "shit"?


  1. Is it possible to bring Fiber Tablets? I take them every night (they have added calcium too) and man they work. Its not anything like a laxative, it just sorta "clumps" everything together and you have a big BM. Haha...

    Maybe think of this time in rehab a time to renew, since thats basically what you are doing. Eat well, when you're hungry. Try not to sabotage your worth by restricting or overeating. And maybe you won't have much of an appetite, and thats okay, it doesn't mean you are purposely restricting. I'm sure this is all stressful, but you will pull through=)

  2. I agree with Sarah ^^ :)

    This is really trivial lol (sorry) but I went to France for 7 days with school once, and couldn't poo in the shared toilet (everyone would hear *blush*) I ended up holding it in for five days... I was eating well though... and it was so awful, I felt really ill! I don't think you need that horrible feeling on top of the doped upness etc...

  3. My gut and bowel rule my life. Too much fibre and I am in agony, not enough and I don't crap. 3 sushi handrolls instead of 2 and my gut stops. Could not possibly eat meat or dairy - everything stops. Fibregel? No way, just becomes a giant mass of fibre that takes three days to get out. Oh, I could go on about it all day, and you can bet I did when I did not have a crap for ten days when on a cruise. I would take laxatives but they make me either vomit or leave me in agony. And trust me, I have taken my fair share over the years and refuse to touch them now.

    My brother craps 4 times a day and I am insanely jealous. When I don't crap I get nausea and a headache.

    All my sympathy is with you.