Sending the Food Journal

i'm procrastinating typing up my food journal and sending it to Mary. i was completely honest, and it's somewhat embarrassing. i'm too mortified to tell you guys how many pieces of bubble gum i chew in a day. and how many diet sodas go down.

i truly hadn't realized how many old habits i still have! but i am excited to start fresh -- to give my body a chance to be happy and healthy.

On a different topic (well, it's really the same topic, isn't it?), i'm a little nervous about Easter. I haven't been nervous about a holiday in years, but this time i way 15 pounds more than i have in many years, and i'm not as comfortable.

Plus, we're eating early which, historically, is tough for me. And i'm going to my best friend's house. His mother is the best cook of all time, and makes enough wonderful Easter food to feed the Tri-State. and THEN she also makes enough Italian food to please Rome -- all from scratch.

Growing up, i spent most Christian holidays (i'm Jewish) at my best friends house. Christmas Eve AND Christmas day were gastronomic miracles. At different points in my eating disorder, i'd have varying amounts of difficulty with the meals BUT i loved his family so much and being with them and for once, feeling a part of a family, that it didn't much matter. i was just gloriously happy to be with them.

i haven't seen the family in over ten years. we were all living in different areas, and i had my own (crazy) life.

this year, i invited myself. my parents are gone, my brother and i still aren't on particularly good terms, and my sister's in Pittsburgh. I WANT FAMILY.

i've been praying a lot about it. i want to go and enjoy the company and catching up with everyone. i want to enjoy a nice meal but keep the focus on the joy of this beautiful sunny day spent with people who are so dear.

i'll let you know..