i want to remember that i am fine the way i am.
yes, i want to find a way to feel more free around food and weight. i would like food to truly settle into its proper role -- fueling and nourishing.
when i'm depressed and bored and frustrated, sad or upset, i want to turn to God, not to Werther's caramels. and i'm hoping i'll find some resources in OA and all my reading that will allow me to take the steps toward the freedom i seek.
yet, i also want to be okay with myself, just as i am right now. i am a fine, healthy weight. would the ED in me like me to weigh less? sadly, it's still a yes. so, part of my process is learning to accept me for me.
maybe i don't want a food plan? maybe, i don't mind eating the way i do now? i don't really over-eat. i truly like healthy food, in general. i do eat dinner very late, but i always have (my mom worked very late when i was little and dinner was often past 10 pm.) i never let myself get famished. i don't binge or purge.
but i do still use food for comfort. i definetely lean on diet soda to get me thru the day. and all the gum and candy. i'm getting tired of it, yet i can't seem to slow down or stop. hmmm, guess i do need some help here.
good to know.