Before there were drugs, before there was alcohol, and spending a fortune, before there were men..........there was my body, my eating, my weight.
i sit here, starting over. i don't have a job, i'm not speaking to my brother, i'm living with my boyfriend after having moved out.
i have no idea what i'm going to do next. and i'm gaining weight. i'm eating mildly compulsively after months of eating light.
everything in my life is in upheaval. this is serious. oh, and i'm gaining weight. what does that have to do with anything?
my eating disorder took my early years. i didn't care about ANYTHING but my weight. i didn't particularly develop skills or interests. ALL i did, and i mean all i did, was diet.
no self-esteem, no work ethic, no computer skills, no mature practicality.
i'm starting from a very early stage now. it is time to grow up. i'm going back to basics. where it all started.
i will eat. and i will learn to deal with computers. and i will get a job. and i will do something good with my life.
did i say that?