i can not believe it. i feel incredible! i didn't think it was possible.
this feeling better (emotionally, physically and intellectually) started late last week.
my brain is clearer. nothing seems too daunting.
i can breathe again, my screaming ulcer's subsided, and the headache's gone (knock wood, formica, marble - whatever's available)
on saturday, i sat down to speak with the boyfriend about issues in the relationship. i haven't really done this before. instead, when something bothered me, i'd pour a nice glass of vino and drink the problem down into my gut. and/or take a klonopin. and/or eat a second dinner. but i NEVER communicated with him about my (growing) concerns and unhappiness.
since we never addressed my issues, nothing changed. since nothing changed, i was less and less happy in the relationship. being around him added more stress.
while we spoke this weekedn, i didn't attack (which i feared because so much was pent up) but talked about how i felt and how things effected me. HE LISTENED. we talked. after the conversation, i felt a million times better and freer. i was shocked it went so well.
we had a great sunday together. he seems to feel better too. i've never been skilled at communicating my issues in relationships, because i was raised to fear anger and conflict. and i mean FEAR. this was such a pleasant surprise.
Work is really good today. My laundry is clean. What else could i want?
feeling good is kind of uncomfortable. i am working to enjoy this. AND TO NOT WAIT FOR THE OTHER SHOE TO DROP. "stay in the moment. stay in the moment. ...stay in the moment....stay in the moment."