I was complaining to my sponsor that my life is so hectic all of the sudden, and i feel overwhelmed and have so much to do and there are so many issues... she looked at me and smiled and said,
"Sometimes you just have to pull on your Big Girl Pants and do what needs to be done."
Exactly. Here's the thing -- I've always avoided Big Girl Pants, figuratively and literally. I've dodged everything that sniffed of reality or hard work. And, of course, I've starved and prayed in search of a life in skinny jeans.
What do I have to show for it? Uh, stretch marks? Bills? (notice what i put first. my priorities need a little work.)
One of the reasons I picked my sponsor is that she looks like she knows how to put on Big Girl Pants. She's a hard-working single mom with a teenager and a nice little house and one hell of a hard time behind her. THIS is the kind of woman I want to be -- someone who knows how to take care of herself.
i'm always leaning on people -- family, friends, men. it's not that we don't all need help, but i always want people to do things FOR me not with me. i let people do stuff and pay no attention, so the next time, i have no idea what to do.
this may work for a 6 year old but a 46 year old, not so much. this barely works for most 16 years olds. how did i manage this long?
here i am, at 46, slowing beginning to step up to the plate. uh, yes, i have to work even if i'm not psyched about the job. yeah, i have to cook and clean and get my car serviced. i can't afford mani/pedis, massages, fancy make-up, frequent highlights and, of course, tasty red wine. i don't know where i got my sense of entitlement, but hello, it's been whopping. and financially devastating.
here i am, and i'm beginning the process. it's terrifying, yet it's my only chance. uh, to not end up in debtors prison. without medical care.
re; literal Big Girl Pants - the ones that don't look like tights and weren't meant for a pre-teen with a hyper metabolism. My sponsor puts on big girls pants -- she's healthy and toned and strong. She has no eating disorders and no particular issues with food. She's a great-size woman. You don't instantly wish to give her a sandwich. Anyway, she would get her own.
i hate big girls pants. i started out super-chubby and spent my whole life questing and dying for skinny jeans. it's going to be a very hard habit to change. will a smaller size ALWAYS seem better? i don't have an answer.
but grown-ups need grown-up pants. i'm beginning the process of becoming an adult. now, about those pants...
Here's to pulling on my Big Girl Pants and accepting that this is life.