I take antabuse to keep me from drinking -- if you take antabuse and drink, you get very, very, very sick.
every time i've stopped drinking, i've depended on antabuse. certainly, i was sure, i could not not drink on my own.
yesterday, saturday, i ran out of antabuse. when i went to re-fill it, the drugstore told me i don't have health insurance and it would cost $153, versus the 15 i usually pay. my health insurance provider was closed, so i couldn't resolve it until monday.
dilemma -- do i pay the $153 and try to get reimbursed or could i wait until Monday, and stay sober on my own. (just some additional info-- my COBRA ends today and my new insurance starts monday. i'm worried that somehow i won't get reimbursed from my old insurance.)
i even called my therapist, who thought i should get it yesterday: it was a better investment than taking a chance with my sobriety. although i was pissed about paying the extra money which i really don't have, i agreed with my therapist and decided to get the antabuse yesterday.
then i met with my sponsor and went to a wonderful AA meeting which ran long and made me late to meet friends for dinner. i decided that i could wait until tomorrow, there was already so much antabuse in my system, and one day without it would be fine.
when i woke up this morning, i realized that i'd be fine without antabuse until tomorrow because I WANT THIS SOBRIETY. i am feeling so much better and committed to the process and to myself. i couldn't actually believe it. ME? committed to my sobriety and to myself? ME?!!! it blew me away.
the funny thing is, i found one last antabuse tablet this morning and took it, so i'm fine until tomorrow. i will re-fill and take the new prescription. it's great insurance. still, what a realization.
p.s. i am having the greatest weekend. got tons of sleep, got a massage, met with sponsor, went to wonderful meetings, have time to myself to read and write and take baths. tonight, i'm going to an early meeting and then out for (an inexpensive) dinner. ahhhh. i'm working on enjoying every minute, right here in the present.
this is all so new. i'll take it!