which is worse? usually i'm incapacitated by anxiety -- sweaty, can't focus, heart racing. it's hard to do anything when you can't even breathe. when i'm in it, i'd tell you it's the worst.
then along comes depression. thud. depression's not my usual default. but this week - thud. it's hard to do anything when you can't even move. now that i'm in it, i tell you it's the worst.
had a good therapy session after work, and feel somewhat better. my therapist says it's good for me to tolerate discomfort -- it's something i've never really done -- i either binged or starved or took drugs or drank or acted out in some ways that felt like a drug.
it makes sense that i need to learn to tolerate. everyone gets bored or scared, and that's life.
i'm kind of proud that i'm not lying, not drinking, going to AA, going to work. i never did many of those things at the same time before.
i am not drinking, once again, but it's not that hard this time. i don't want a drink. i want a fuller life, a more interesting job, intellectual stimulation, laughter and a little more fun.
but in the interim, i'm going to work and blogging and going to AA. those are good things.
my therapist asked me to write three things i'm grateful for on my blog. a gratitude list seems like just the thing at the moment:
1. IT'S FRIDAY. i couldn't be happier about that!!! Yippee. Yippee
2. i am grateful that i didn't lie today and i didn't drink today
3. it was a beautiful day, and i sat outside for a whole hour at lunch
so, i wonder -- which do you think is worse - depression or anxiety. AND what three things are you grateful for today?