I now need to get over caring so much about how I look. It’s too consuming. Growing up fat with frizzy hair and braces and acne, it was REGULARLY pointed out by my schoolmates that I was not attractive in any way. That was many decades ago, but it’s stuck in me somewhere.
Even today I’m overly concerned with how I look, and it’s more concerning with ten extra pounds, a REALLY bad and unmanageable haircut and many new lines on my aging face.
But I am determined to get to a new place. I am fine.
Yesterday, I spoke at an AA meeting in NYC. Although I’d live there for 15 years, I’ve been living in West New Jersey with woods as my backyard for the last 10. Walking through Times Square, I started doing what I’ve done my whole life – comparing myself to other people, even men! Who was thinner, more stylishly dressed (hello, everyone!), cooler, more sophisticated, who had better hair (with apologies to my hairdresser, everyone!)
And then I stopped myself. I haven’t been in NYC in many years – what was I doing?!!! I wasn’t seeing anything. I looked up, and saw all the marquees for the great shows on Broadway – all the major hits, new and old. I saw the famous old restaurants and gaudy newer ones. I listened and heard all different languages and accents and remembered that these people had come to this place because it’s amazing and exciting and extraordinary. What was I doing comparing my shoes to the lady standing next to me?
What am I doing with my life, who am I helping, how am I contributing if I’m spending so much time worrying about a bad haircut that will grow anyway?
That’s a good place to begin……………..