Who would have thought that I’d be more comfortable with
FOOD than with my body? After a lifetime of constant food obsession, the idea
of freedom would seem inconceivable, but blessedly, it happened. However, I was
sure that if food wasn’t an issue, everything would fall into place and I’d be
divinely (and I do mean that in the spiritual sense) and naturally thin.
But did I forget the peasant stock I descend from – healthy
folks who were naturally hearty, not thin? Did I forget that I’d rather do just
about ANYTHING other than exercise? Did I mention I’m in menopause?
And so the ten pounds have stuck.
Last night, I dreamt I ran into an old boyfriend and we
talked, covering a lot of ground. But somewhere, in the middle of the rambling
dream, I did of course have to mention that I had gained ten pounds. How crazy.
Time to work on getting truly comfortable with my body AND
time to start thinking about some truly important things like volunteer work, career, friendships…
It's funny, this getting older & moving back to my hometown where I was an undergraduate. My girl friends from high school & college were very thin, very tiny. I was very fat & very tall. I always felt like I'd be a monster around them even if I weighed 130 pounds.
ReplyDeleteNow I notice a body trend going around that is, I think, a menopause thing. They LOOK skinny -- their legs, their faces. They all get a lot of exercise. But they're all covering up their bellies. If one really sees their figures, they look, well, pregnant. I mentioned being a size 10 to a friend (I'm not but I once was) & she snickered & said, "I haven't seen a size 10 in years."
& she must have been a 2 or something 40 years ago.
I suspect age simply does stuff to women's bodies. It will be interesting, for my part, to find out.
& I, too, have refused the false god of my scale. At first it was too scary. Now I have moments (not as many as I'd like) when I am not a number or pounds lost. I'm a size but so far it only means I trust everything in my closets to fit. And that gets old.
So I'm all for the freedom & the relief when there are no "bad" days with food but only good food itself.
Keep experimenting!
Frances; YES, menopause is changing everything. i had accepted that, mentally, I was a hormonal lunatic, but it has taken me longer to realize that my body is changing too, doing it's own thing.
Deletei, too, went to school with skinny, skinny girls and I was fairly tall and very fat. I see them now (after many years of not seeing them. Facebook makes re-visiting inevitable.) and they all have the body you describe, and they all seem to be avoiding carbs.
Hmmm. Thank you so much for writing. On with our journeys!