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i haven't written in ages -- i haven't had anything much to report. Basically, I'm just living -- day by day. nothing too exciting happens; nothing awful happens. Basically, I'm just living -- day by day. some days are good, some are less good, some are a mix. what i'm learning is how to just -- be. i've really learned that the world doesn't revolve around me, and there's just about nothing that i can control. the earth will turn without me, the wind will blow and other people will do exactly as they're going to do, whether i like it or not. the more i've learned to accept this and to let things go and to face things with a more positive attitude, the better i do. the more gratitude i have, the better i do. if i'm grateful to have a job that pays for my life, i can't resent the job (quite so much. i'm getting better, but i'm sure not perfect!) it's been a difficult month financially -- turns out i owe the IRS money and my car is costing me almost more than i can afford. still, i'm eeking it out (let's just hope nothing else goes wrong.) but i'm handling it, knowing that for right now, i'm okay. re; food and weight. my weight is still up, hovering around the same 135. i'm getting more and more okay with it. i read a good book recently -- "Read My Hips: How I Learned to Love My Body, Ditch Dieting, and Live Large" by Kimberly Brittingham. The author decides to live and enjoy life, no matter her size. She explores her interests NOW, not waiting until she might, one day, lose weight. she wears what she likes, does what she wants and doesn't back down. the book was very, very inspirational to me. i need to live life right now. afterall, NOW is all I have.