I hope this doesn't trigger anyone. i'm writing about my weight and some restricting, in hopes that i'll pull it together and get back some self-acceptance. Here goes;
I am letting a pretty small pair of jeans rule my life. actually, there are two pairs -- exactly the same size and make.
they're skinny jeans -- straight as my friend Kai's beautiful hair. i can wear them when i'm at a certain weight, which may be a good weight for some but is at least 10 pounds too small for me.
right now, i do weigh a certain weight, and the jeans fit like Calvin Klein sewed them onto me himself. as i am at least ten pounds less than my norm, all my other clothes swamp me.
it's too cold for my swingy summer dresses. i keep thinking that if it were warm enough to wear them, i'd eat more and not worry about fitting into the (&*%)^$& jeans. swinging dresses are forgiving.
i'm not eating much. stress plays into this. is it really about the jeans?
still, this is old and familiar. it's been a long time since i've focussed on staying small for my tall frame. i'm going back many years, and yet, it's so familiar.
i say swingy dress are forgiving. couldn't i forgive myself and let myself be?
how does one forgive oneself?