Thursday, April 15, 2010

what if?

what if i gave up a little control?

what I if gained the ten pounds my body, but not i, prefer. and if I didn't fit into the little jeans i've been zipping up these mornings?

what if i let my hair frizz and let up on the eye-liner, even just a little?

would my fiance leave me? would i scare small children?

would people think i was ugly, like they did in high school?

i'll probably not give up the eye-liner, but what if i didn't drink at night?


  1. I say try some of these things. Little experiments help. I pretty much stopped wearing makeup and I don't think anyone even notices. Ha. the things we cling to usually aren't all that important.

  2. I backed off the whole food control thing and allowed myself to be the weight my body kind of feels happy with. I cannot say it is always easy but I just feel the pressure is off a bit. And I look fine.

    However, I love make up and always will wear it. But, I really do not care if I am seen without it. Frizz hair, well, it has its moments.

    At the end of the day, people I care about love me the way I am and even the way I am not. People I don't know, strangers I pass in the street don't have an opinion of me as such because they have their own troubles to deal with on a day to day basis.

    The way you see yourself is most likely the complete opposite to how others see you.

  3. Your post is very powerful, especially the first line about relinquishing control. I am the way I am because of the desire to control my weight when I can't control other things around me and yet in reality my eating disorder controls me because I can't recovery from it and move on.

    You seem very strong and you are definitely and inspiration compared to how I feel at the moment

    I don't care about what strangers think of me, I'm very outgoing so no one would know what happens on the inside or my relationship with food anyway. It is my family and close friends that worry me and the fact that I'm my own worst enemy as the old me becomes smaller and smaller, drowned out by the bulimic voice in my head.

    Keep your strength and courage!
    Gecko x

  4. It sounds scary doesn't it? What does it say about me if I wouldn't be able to give up those things? Well, don't go by me, I have a terrible self image. Try the frizzy hair and see what happens.

  5. I ask myself that all the time - what if I give up control?

    What if I went outside with out makeup? Jumped in the pool or the lake and not care what my hair looked like? What if I stopped trying to look like a perfectly healthy person?

    What if I were free?

    But right now, I don't really think I am in control. I think anorexia and anxiety and depression are what's driving this train and I am just operating under an illusion.

    The last question really struck me - what if I didn't drink at night? Please don't be mad at me, but are you sure you are in control? If you're concerned about drinking at night, it sounds like at least that part of your life is out-of-control.

    And maybe that's why it's hard to give up control in other areas?

    (I can completely relate to this post.)

  6. Isn't if funny how our bodies seem to just ignore those number on the scale and say I WANT THAT! Funny how much those number's matter to the brain when the body feels so much better when it's where it wants to be.

    I say go for it. But first ditch the scale!

  7. I hope you can find the strength to let go a little. i know it is hard. I struggle with this. It doesn't help when I skip the makeup and people ask me things like "are you feeling well? You look tired!". Well that doesn't happen all the time; usually just with people who have never seen me w/o makeup before.
    What is we could just see ourselves the way God made us? Perfect and beautiful, just as we are?

  8. I'm in high school, and I am a true believer in inner beauty. I think that the most beautiful people are the ones who are compassionate, generous, strong and thankful. :) I am also a firm believer that we were made perfectly. We should all learn to love ourselves just a little bit more, even if only for that reason.

  9. Here's a good solution for the hair... Keratin Complex treatment. It takes about four hours, costs roughly $85 an ounce, and your hair is gleaming and frizz free for about six months. Then you do it again. It's one less thing to worry about. You simply blow dry your hair and off you go...

    I wouldn't give up the eyeliner either, but that's just me. I don't have a problem being seen without it anymore, but will always wear it so I can feel confident. It's like my superman cape. I feel too exposed without it.

    Not sure why...

    Do what is within your comfort zone. If you can eliminate even one thing that upsets you about yourself, that's a good thing.

    Then you can better concentrate on all the good stuff, and expand on that. Because we all see it. It's time YOU did.


  10. ask yourself this ... if you do one ... are you ready to reap the rewards or willing to accept the consequences ...