i've slowly been losing a little weight. i know this because i've been weighing myself every day.
my inner ED is leaping around. wheee. "good girl, there ya go. keep it up and we can get back to a nice little weight. just remember, give in, one little bit, and all is lost. weight loss is hard, but it's very, very important. above all -- stay vigilant and eat as little as possible."
scarey, isn't it, that the voice is just right there. for all the work, it's just right there.
i stare at my flat stomach, enjoying the lack of lumps. my jeans are tight nowhere.
i have to get past this. way too much attention's going into what i'm eating and weighing.
in pittsburgh with my family and fiance, i ate heartily and went on with activities. my niece and i fairly raced through dinner, so we could get back to her room to chat.
in a week or so, big events take over. we've got a big blow-out 50th anniversary party and a big wedding, back to back weekends. at both events, i'll be the only one who only speaks english and most likely, the only one who doesn't drink. AND OF COURSE, i anticipate loads of food. even if i eat nicely, it's still a lot of work.
then work's travel season starts galore. i'll be on the road with the my brother and sister-in-law for the best of five weeks. they both have pretty bad tempers. if you've read my blog for a while, you'll know that he's all about major food, and she's all about wine. if you've read my blog for a while, you know i'm two weeks shy of five months sober, and wine is my drink of choice.
for now, i'll be okay. i ate a solid, real lunch today, we're going out for dinner tonight, and i'll eat more than i've been eating at home. besides, i'm losing patience with all this food and weight shit.
at the events, my fiance, D., will drink minimally as he is driving. he will speak english to me. he loves me.
this month's travel covers California and North Carolina. it will be warm. i'll have tons of time to read on the plane. i'm traveling back alone from california, which i usually enjoy. (i can't figure out an upside for their tempers. they fight with each other constantly and everyone else too -- barrista's at starbucks, hotel clerks, airport agents. very, very unpleasant.)
i'm going to the bookstore soon. the work day is almost over. my laundry's done.
anyone else wish it were a little easier just getting thru the moments?