i've been reading Valerie Bertinelli's new book, Finding It: And Satisfying My Hunger for Life without Opening the Fridge. (before i go further, the book is rather unsatisfying. blah. i wouldn't waste the same amount of money i did on it.)
but i digress.
while boring, the book does rev up my usual questions and confusions. there's that assumption that -- life, natch, is much more that weight loss, but weight loss is still great. over-eating isn't just about food, it goes a whole lot deeper, but food is practically the kama sutra, but we really shouldn't eat it, unless, of course, it's a fruit or vegetable, in which case, we should eat it in unlimited quantities to squealth our bottomless hunger, which isn't really hunger for food, anyway, but isn't food great. ditto to weight loss? drum roll and/or linda blair head spin.
i ask you -- if we are thin because we healthfully follow weight watchers (as opposed to say, some of our less than zesty anorexic plans), is it then great to be thin? is it preferred to be thin? do most of us, really, want to be thin? what is thin?
i have more questions.
what is a foodie and is this an interesting thing or is it someone with a weird obsession? how much interest in food is healthy?
what's with the whole restaurant craze? who eats at these restaurants? are they thin? do they say, "i really shouldn't have", after tucking into creme brulee chocolat?
i love the show, top chef, (not sooo much since i stopped drinking. they drink an awful lot of fine vino out of gorgeous glasses, once one of my top three ways to spend my day. okay, top fave. i used to pop open some nice grape and pull up a chair.)
yet, i don't eat any of that stuff. here's y i watch. how does padma lakshmi stay so ridiculously thin? how do the other judges stay the normal, average weights they are? apparently, they eat all the time. sometimes, padma eats more in five minutes than i spread over a few day. what about the nights when they taste test TWO restaurants? even with little bites, that's a lot o' food. and wine is fattenting too.
i sound weight obsessed. maybe. i do wish i could figure out how to eat to maintain some nice medium weight without using 95% of my time and then... TO STOP THINKING ABOUT IT!!!
i was at a big anniversary dinner last saturday. i'll say i did great. no alcohol and that was fine. that's really the big coup. i ate healthfully and tasted small-ish amounts of anything i really wanted and had a little cake. then, d. and i hit the floor and danced the night away, which we both love. how great is that -- ate moderately AND thru in some exercise.
but geez, isn't that an awful lot of over-thinking for one little evening? how much work is it to settle on one little meal? and then what about joyfully dancing with your new fiance -- the whole time considering it...exercise? "calorie burning" kind of takes the romance out of it, no? (see also "sex".)
overall, the more i know, somehow the more confused i get. once, i KNEW for sure that it was best to be thin at all costs. arguing was futile. once, i KNEW i knew best for me and my savaged body.
now, i know a lot better. but often feel i know nothing.