Most of the women in my family are thin. very thin. skinny. I am not the latter two. i don't feel the first.
I'm feeling chubby lately. I've gained some weight, i have my period.
i'm not chubby at all, i tell myself. but i don't believe me.
having skinny family is interesting. it doesn't seem so hard for them. it's almost natural, i think. maybe it is natural. but that's not my body at all. to look like my sister, i couldn't eat again until the fall. she eats well.
all the women are healthy and energetic, successful with career and family, happily married.
they're healthier than i am, in fact. they're not ravaged by years of beating up their bodies.
as i am. damaged and feeling chubby.
why are the women in my family so thin? and i'm not. why do i want their arms, their stomach's (or lack thereof), their waistlines, their cheek bones?
the thing is -- i'm not going to have any of those things. skinny is weigh, way too hard for me. time to focus on things i can be that some real value -- what is "skinny" afterall?
why do i wish i were?