In my last post, I talked about fat shaming. I sure got a lot of it when I weighed 80 pounds more than I do now. Everyone had an opinion on what I should or shouldn’t eat. No one seemed to have any inhibition about sharing those opinions either.
My life turned on shame and guilt about my body size and what I ate. Eventually, I stopped eating, hoping to get skinny and to get the great life I assumed would be mine. I’d have a terrific boyfriend, a wonderful career, great friendships and an easy life. Instead, I found anorexia, bulimia, alcoholism and drug addiction.
What if I’d been left alone about my weight? Who knows?
I’ve come a long, long way and consider myself pretty healthy today and very pleased with my relationship with food. I truly see it as fuel. The obsession is gone, and I get to live a full life.
There’s one niggling little issue tho. When I weighed more, I believed fully that I was unlovable. I was sure no man would want me -- I didn’t even go on my first date until I was 36 and finally thin.
I’ve been thin a long time now, but with age, I’ve been gaining some weight. I still have my free and easy relationship with food, and I’m not eating any differently – but my hormones sure are changing. Even my friends who have always been naturally thin have picked up weight in their 50s. It’s normal, and I have decide whether to eat less and/or exercise more OR deal with the extra pounds. Not a big deal.
I know it’s fine. I know I’m fine BUT, that old, “will he still love me….?,” starts to creep in. Which is ridiculous, as the guy I date couldn’t care less about what I weigh. He doesn’t even notice AND my weight gain has certainly not dulled his passion!
Old beliefs die hard. Yet, they’re worth losing, once and for all.