Smile, pretty

Last night, I went to pick up Chinese takeout. I heard the guy in front of me leeringly tell the girl behind the counter that she had a beautiful smile. She looked uncomfortable and said, “I guess the braces worked.” He didn’t want to leave. I kind of pushed him aside. The cashier looked relieved.

Let’s look at this interaction more closely. She is 18, tall, blonde and beautiful. He looked to be about 50, with bad skin, beady eyes and mild body odor.

And yet, like most men, he truly THOUGHT HE HAD A CHANCE!

After the guy left, the lovely young cashier told me she gets hit on all the time.  She said, “I wish, for once, guys would just come in and get their food”.

What is it with men? First of all, she’s pretty much a child.  Second, she’s really, really pretty – pretty much out of most guys league.

After I left the Chinese restaurant, I went to the drugstore. The pharmacy tech was young, very handsome and very sweet. He made me feel very old.  It didn’t occur to me to tell him he had a beautiful smile, nice hands, great hair………

What is it with men?

The Residual Effects of Fat Shaming

In my last post, I talked about fat shaming. I sure got a lot of it when I weighed 80 pounds more than I do now. Everyone had an opinion on what I should or shouldn’t eat. No one seemed to have any inhibition about sharing those opinions either.

My life turned on shame and guilt about my body size and what I ate. Eventually, I stopped eating, hoping to get skinny and to get the great life I assumed would be mine. I’d have a terrific boyfriend, a wonderful career, great friendships and an easy life. Instead, I found anorexia, bulimia, alcoholism and drug addiction.

What if I’d been left alone about my weight? Who knows?

I’ve come a long, long way and consider myself pretty healthy today and very pleased with my relationship with food. I truly see it as fuel. The obsession is gone, and I get to live a full life.

There’s one niggling little issue tho. When I weighed more, I believed fully that I was unlovable. I was sure no man would want me -- I didn’t even go on my first date until I was 36 and finally thin.

I’ve been thin a long time now, but with age, I’ve been gaining some weight. I still have my free and easy relationship with food, and I’m not eating any differently – but my hormones sure are changing. Even my friends who have always been naturally thin have picked up weight in their 50s.  It’s normal, and I have decide whether to eat less and/or exercise more OR deal with the extra pounds. Not a big deal.

I know it’s fine. I know I’m fine BUT, that old, “will he still love me….?,” starts to creep in. Which is ridiculous, as the guy I date couldn’t care less about what I weigh. He doesn’t even notice AND my weight gain has certainly not dulled his passion!

Old beliefs die hard.  Yet, they’re worth losing, once and for all.

Okay to Fat Shame?

I was at a bridal shower where everyone got smashingly drunk. The bridal party arrived at noon and, by all accounts, left the restaurant at 9:30 or so.

Everyone laughed and giggled as nearly every woman in attendance got blastered. 

Not a peep of disapproval was heard, BUT when one of the bridesmaids – a very heavy woman – ate a cupcake, her cousin leaned over and said, “are you sure you really want that?”   Her mom nodded, adding, “have some fruit, Eva”.  Everyone nodded.

Why is it okay to be sloppy drunk , no matter who you are, but not okay to eat a cupcake if you’re not thin?