I've been reading a lot about obesity and compulsive eating. As I read, i remember the deep pain i experienced as a - i guess i'll just use the word - fat child, teen and young woman. I was lonely, depressed and teased mercilessly. my family and friends constantly urged me to lose weight and scolded me for eating anything but diet food. my mother literally cried in frustration when i couldn't stay on a diet.
I believed i was heinous to look at. it hurt like hell. i felt i carried 100 extra pounds of sheer pain.
having lost those pounds three times, i eventually learned to keep them off through over 20 years of anorexia and bulimia. Yet, as AWFUL as those years were (starving, fainting, binging, binging, binging, puking), i still knew the greatest sadness from those early fat years.
Strange as it sounds, no one commented on my weight when i was anorexic or bulimic.when i weighed my least, i lived in manhattan, among many a super skinny woman. when bulimic, i was a perfectly normal weight that swung to the high end of thin. i didn't "wear" my illness, so no one teased or taunted
Would i take back a minute of any of those years. No. but i still hurt the most for the fat girl