i don't know if this post will trigger anyone. i talk a little bit about the food i ate.
Yesterday, I ate a real, grown-up dinner plus dessert and felt nothing but satisfied. Now that’s progress!
My boyfriend, D., came home from work early and we enjoyed a quick, normal lunch, then headed into NYC to see the tree and shops. Everything was so extraordinarily beautiful and awe-inspiring. I don’t think it’s ever looked so exquisite.
After walking around, we went out for dinner. D. doesn’t like eating out, so this was a nice treat. Recently, I dhaven't want to go out, because “who wants to eat out if you can’t have a drink.”, but i was cool last night. D. actually said he was looking forward to it (I don’t believe him for a minute – he did it for me) and I didn’t care about drinking. Wow.
Early in the day, I decided I was going to eat a real dinner of foods I usually don’t eat. Even if I wasn’t very hungry, I was going to get something truly tasty and eat as much of it as I wanted.
There was a lot of traffic, and we didn’t get to dinner until 10, but I still didn’t care, I was going to have a good dinner. I ordered EXACTLY what I wanted and enjoyed it thoroughly and heartily. We had great conversation over dinner and there was gentle, live music in the background. Nice.
Although I was full and satisfied, I still had a hankering for ice cream when I got home, and I made myself a small and tasty cone.
And that was that – no second thoughts, no remorse, no self-punishment. I could get used to this!
It IS funny that I’m making such a big deal about doing nothing but eating dinner, but it was a big deal. I look forward to it becoming mundane.
As i was re-reading this post, i realized it may sound like i don't usually eat healthful meals, and the fact of eating dinner was the coup. just to clarify, i do eat meals and maintain a healthy enough weight and i'm not obsessed with food and weight. i allow myself (small) treats and can eat out and go to events with relative ease. i say "relative" because i do have apprehensions sometimes, and some days are easier than others.
In general though, my meals are very simple and pretty lean. the portions fill me, but i never feel too full. it's rare that i'm eating a big slice of pizza or more than a bite of someone else's hamburger and fries. last night was a burger and fries AND salad kind of night. THAT'S what makes it so different and so exciting.
Bring on the nachos!