There's been distance between my sister and me. I've always felt she has a hard time communicating about the deep stuff. We get along on a nice, surfacey level, but i never thought she wanted to or could handle the dark side.
My sister is getting some cosmetic surgery today. I've been in more frequent touch, as today grew closer. I wanted her to know how much i support her in her choice and how brave i think she is for having the courage to get up on the operating table. she's so excited about the procedure -- i'm very happy for her.
During a conversation last night, my sister shared some personal issues that are troubling her. She's my very big sister and has always felt more like a mother to me, so this was new. I did my best to be supportive. At one point, I said "M. I love you so much". she paused. we don't say "I love you to each other". She said, "I love you too, Mel". We continued talking and as we ended the conversation she said, "I love you" again.
Wow. I felt closer to her than I've felt in my 46 years. My sister and I have had our issues, particularly through my crazy years. She didn't understand eating disorders, drugs and alcohol and all my other issues. She didn't understand why i couldn't just "get better", as she always has.
When i was in the deepest depths of my drug use, she shut me out and we didn't speak. This has stuck with me for years. The other day, i was bemoaning this, once again, to my sponsor who said, "Good for her". "She has children and her family to protect, and she did you a favor for not enabling you."
Oh. i NEVER saw it like that. My sponsor was right. I've felt much kinder and gentler toward my sister ever since.
I always put her on such a pedestal. She was so pretty, naturally thin, popular and such a hard worker. she married a smart, handsome doctor and raised the loveliest children. My sister hasn't worked in 20 years and never has to.
Now, I begin to see her humanity -- she's becoming a whole living, breathing woman to me.
My parents are gone, my brother and family don't speak to me. I am thrilled beyond words to be developing this new closeness with my sister.
My heart is all filled up.