i've been telling myself all day, "everything is fine right now." i tend to obsess about the future and stress-out about the present.
woke up this morning and got on the scale after not weighing myself for a week (big accomplishment.) i've gained five pounds.
usually, i'd suffer all day but instead, i told myself that my body is perfect right now. i said it over and over throughout the day. the truth is -- the extra five pounds make me a better weight for me. five pounds less is a struggle. although i love that weight, IT'S NOT GOOD FOR ME. my body is perfect right now. wow.
anxiety hit me today. although this felt weird, i actually talked to the anxiety and asked what was going on. (i know this sounds weird.) the response was that i'm not working hard enough at work and i'm scared that my brother/boss will really notice. i don't want to do the work i'm doing -- i hate sales!!! i haven't filled out grad school applications. what am i going to do with the rest of my life.
"talking" to my anxiety actually worked out well. we did breathing exercises (i know this sounds weird) and laughed together that they only kind of worked.
so what did i do after the exchange? i did some work, i made an appointment to sit down with my brother and go over accounts, i emailed two people to see if they'd write my references for schools. i reached out to a literary agent i know and asked if and/or his office needs anyone to read manuscripts. i love, love, love to read. i made a dentist appointment that i really need. i scheduled a colonoscopy, which i really need.
this was all so great, but i did work myself up a bit. i get anxious when i'm excited (not about the dentist or colonoscopy.)
you know what, though, everything is fine right now.
for everyone who read and commented on my last post, thank you, thank you, thank you. your support supported me in every way.
i did reach out to my friend, ted. we made a date to meet, and he seemed happy to do it. when we get together, i will talk to him about what i'm feeling. he is my dearest friend.
time for me to get back to "the real world." i'm a little revved up. why DO we get anxious when we're happy and excited?
breathe. breathe out. everything is fine right now, including my weight