when kate moss said, "nothing tastes as good as skinny looks", it pushed some deeply embedded buttons.
"ooooh, she's right. look how disciplined she is", swooned my ED. "if kate moss can starve, why can't i?," ED asked, eating his heart out.
here's the thing. isn't that a question i've kind of asked you all before? didn't i worry about my momentary lust for kelly ripa's body (to own it, not romance it, of course.)? havent i confessed my discreet purchases of Vogue while in airports. and don't you know i read those articles, "how to lose weight effortlessly"?
what about all the blogs wondering why i care so about my frizzy hair, my nail color, my slightly buck teeth and saggy boobs? and HOW much does it really mean to me? say, would i miss a wedding if my hair frizzed in the rain? probably not. would i go to the same wedding without a bra -- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
and my body. WHY DO I WANT TO BE THIN? will i accept myself if i gain weight? why can't i eat intuitively -- eat when hungry, stop when full?
well, you know the funny thing i realized the other day -- i do. without realizing it, i've been eating when hungry and stopping when full. i'm realizing that food's lost so much of its power over me, other than to feed me and please me in the moment.
it's a wonderful feeling -- so joyous. i've been sober for 7 months. wow -- didn't think i'd ever get to say that. and i'm over 2 and a half years off substances. didn't think i'd make it to say that.
but still - freedom within and around food is unbelievable. it's been about 35 years of my life.
now i must go to bed. just back from charleston, sc last night. off to LA first thing tomorrow morning.
traveling stops on saturday for three weeks. can't wait to read more of your blogs and to respond to all of you wonderful comments on mine. thank you for all your support.
hope everyone's having a peaceful december