i've been on the road for weeks and will be traveling until xmas. thank you everyone for your comments on the blog, and i'm sorry i haven't had much chance to respond. i've been reading everyone's blogs but again, i run out of time. can't wait for the xmas break!!!!
so, as i've said repeatedly, i'm a travelin' gal. some of it's good -- i've read gallons of wonderful books, journaled numerous pages, seen very pretty parts of the country and had some really good business meetings.
on the other hand, the travel can wear me down. right now, i have my period and my usual cramps and have two very long days of convention ahead of me. that means long hours on my feet, cheerily (how?) greeting and informing throngs of people.
my cramps can rule my life. (sorry if this gets a little graphic). nothing works (i have tried EVERYTHING but surgery for endometriosis and the IUD.) for the first time in a very long time something popped into my head (i was doubled over on the toilet. not much else to do but think.) when i didn't get my period for years, i didn't have to deal with cramps. that was wonderful. BUT, when i didn't get my period it was because i was way too thin to menstruate.
that's really dysfunctional thinking, and i won't starve myself like that again. but it was a thought and it lingered. and it still lingers. i have some mental work to do.
also, the time changes screw up my eating. we've been going to california (three hours earlier) almost every week, and we layover in denver (two hours earlier). wherever we are, my brother wants to eat. if it's noon somewhere, it's lunchtime. we land in california at 4pm, but it's 7 back home so, you guessed it, it's time to eat.
i don't always eat with my brother and sister-in-law, but i do have a hard time figuring out when i'm hungry. i'm jet-lagged and tired a lot, so it's challenging to be in touch with my body.
the schedule's different too. this morning we had to be at the convention center at 6:30 am for a day of exhibiting (i'm on a break now.) getting up at 5;30 throws my whole day off and again, i can't get into a comfortable eating mode.
if i'm traveling a little less, i can handle it, and i've got it fairly well covered at home -- i live my life and don't obsess about the whole food/weight thing too much.
BUT, BUT, BUT here on the road, i'm noticing a new (re-newed) interest in food, my body, restricting, etc. is it a distraction? is it that i'm not in control of my time or my own schedule, so i'm trying to control what i can? i bet that's it. right now, i'm on my brother's time. he and my sister-in-law are the bosses. and they have the car. my sister-in-law talks about her weight ALL THE TIME. she also complains constantly about my brother's weight and yells at him for everything he eats. they're both short-tempered. you never know when my brother's going to get nasty, so i'm on usually on edge. he's so rude to service people -- waiters, hotel clerks, starbucks baristas...
any ideas for keeping me mentally healthy? i'm resistant and cranky (hormones, anyone?)
traveling's hard on all my recovery. when i go to california, i get back into sleeping pills. i don't abuse them, but i do take ambien. i need to stop that, no matter the consequences. but i DESPISE the thought of not sleeping and being even more exhausted.
finally, a glass of wine would be nice (no, it wouldn't). we go to lovely restaurants, my sister-in-law drinks a lot, and i wish i were home with my fiance and my lemonade. i'd like to stay in my room sometimes, but rarely have that choice.
the alcohol i can handle. the sleeping pills are harder, but i want to be drug-free. i think i'll start that over xmas break. also some of our trips until then are more local, and i won't need (want) the ambien.
food. it always comes back to food and the body. i don't have answers right now. i just wanted to write this out, to "speak" to people who understand.
THANK YOU for listening. it's so important to have friends on the road!!!!