It's rare that I gain weight these days. I've been so comfortable with my eating, my weight and body. But suddenly -- "hello" weight gain and "good bye" comfort.
Perhaps what's most uncomfortable is how - uncomfortable - i still am with weight gain. I can say i'm easy, breezy about food, weight and body when I'm at my desired weight, but not so much right now.
Old thoughts creep in -- I need to restrict, cut out treats, weight myself daily. I begin to worry that i'll keep gaining and gaining until I'm the 200 pounds I weighed as a teenager. I chastise myself for overindulgence...
New thoughts try to push out the old. I tell myself I'm fine, still a healthy weight, I'm more than a number on the scale, this is disordered, mean and oppressive thinking.......
Let's see which side wins.
keep up the struggle
ReplyDeleteThx. I do! Definetely don't want to live like i used to. Thx for writing
DeleteHi. I was just reading some of your posts and I'm curious about something. You said you only gained weight on health food diets and I'm curious if you ever found out why. And how did you eventually lose weight? My issue is that I'm at my highest weight ever despite restriction. I just can't lose. I know that the calories in/calories out stuff is bullshit. I just ordered a book by David Ludwig about how it's what you eat that's important -- but your post made me wonder why that didn't work for you? I really want to lose weight in a healthy way, because EDs totally suck, but I feel like I'm cursed! I was always thin until 6 years ago. :(
ReplyDeleteE; Thank you for writing and reading! I'm not sure where i wrote that i gained weight on diets but I just gained weight period, because i couldn't stick to a diet or any plan. I found the problem was inside me. I was using food to fill the emptiness and loneliness and fear deep down inside. But of course, that didn't work. It's when i began to see food as just that - fuel for my body - that i began to eat more easily. food used to terrify me because i was either eating compulsively, starving, binging, purging - it was awful. I'd be curious to hear more of your story. and let me know if you have any other questions. Thanks again for writing.
ReplyDeleteHey. :) Thanks for your reply. I might have misunderstood something from a previous post or something. I have a blog but it's invite only. I've kept it since 2010 (and previously had another that I started in 2006). If you're interested in reading it, let me know. I used to be known as "bananas" -- I don't know if that rings a bell for you at all.
ReplyDeleteI saw you had a more recent post but you deleted it. Dump the jerk. ;)
i do remember Bananas. i would love to read your blog. Ha ha, I like the "dump the jerk"! Thank you
ReplyDeleteI will need your email address in order to invite you to read the blog. You can just email me if you'd like -- galbraith AT gmail DOT com. :)
ReplyDelete