Taking Responsibility

i let life happen to me. when would the right job find me? why wasn't the rich boyfriend en route? why couldn't i spend all the money i wanted, eat all the food i craved, drink my weight in wine and all without consequence?

finally, at a real financial crossroads, i'm ready to step up and do what i need to do to own this life.

in my last post, i mused about whether or not to waitress. fact is, right now, i can't afford not to!!! kind of a hard reckoning, but a real one.

i'm scheduling training next week and i'm very, very nervous, but i'm doing the right thing and, perhaps, the only thing right now - to keep me afloat.

it feels -- grown up! cool

Waitressing at 50

okay, 49.

i've posted that i started hostessing at a local restaurant in November. it's easy, breezy and i make a little extra money. but it's a very little extra.

lots of people are telling me i should ask to wait tables because for about the same hours, i'd make a lot more money.

i'd keep the day job, of course, but with all my car and dental bills, extra money would HELP.

still, i'm terrified. i was a TERRIBLE waitress in college (about 30 years ago, to be exact.) bad with the computer, terrified under pressure, clumsy, etc.

 i enjoy hostessing after the stress of the day job. i'm pretty good at it and feel relaxed and pleased at the end of the shift. it's almost my refuge. do i give that up?

on the other hand, how much of a choice do i have? money isn't actually a luxury, is it? 

why not give it a try, right? still, scarey!

Age -Related

 i have to start here. Since i was 10 years old, i have gotten my period EVERY 29 days. Now, one month from my 49th birthday, i've had a few funky months. This month, it's a week late. i haven't been a day late in 29 years.  In previous years, I would have counted back and worried and run out for an EPT. This month, i sort of thought of timing, realized it was pretty impossibly, but also realized that :timing" probably wasn't the point anymore.

I've LOATHED, DESPISED AND SIMPLY HATED my period since i was 10 and couldn't unfurl from the fetal position for three days. i've had scopes and procedures and probes and pills, but mostly, i've had crippling cramps.

Since my 10th year, i've joked loudly and confidently that my days were spent waiting for menopause BUT now that i head surprisingly close to 50, i'm not so sure i'm ready.